Stephen Colbert Steps Into a World of Hur(t)

As many of you are already aware, Stephen Colbert is already being sued for $65 million by Cenk Uygur, host of The Young Turks on Air America Radio and mentor to yours truly, for stealing Cenk's joke. Cenk made a joke about Republicans sounding like Klingons on his September 7, 2007 show, which Colbert then parroted a mere 4 days later. My staff and I were outraged, and we dubbed the crime "Farceny" on our 9/24/07 show. To date, Colbert has yet to apologize.

Cenk and I discussed the issue on the October 2, 2007 Young Turks postgame show, at which time I made the unwise promise never to sue Cenk for farceny and referring to him, in a bitter irony, using Colbert's own mentoreal term of endearment, "Papa Bear."

But on Monday's Young Turks Show, Cenk committed grand farceny, stealing my Nobel War Prize joke. I shot that joke on Saturday, uploaded the show on Sunday, and posted it on The Young Turks website at 11:10pm PDT, Sunday, October 13. On Monday morning's show, mere hours later, the bon mot had been snatched from it's coccoon of safety on YouTube, and was exploding forth all over the airwaves. At first, I thought I had lucked out, but then I remembered my idiotic waiver. So, I proposed instead that if Colbert stole my joke from Cenk, we could split the proceeds from that suit. You won't believe what happened next. (The Nobel joke is the 3rd story from the episode below)

So, tonight, I was watching Monday's Colbert Report, which I had recorded on my DVR, and he did it! He stole the joke that Cenk had stolen from me! Now, if I remember my Tort Law class from Middlesex County College correctly, that's a little thing called Triple Indemnity!! Colbert now owes Cenk and I $195 million, or 3 times the original amount.

I don't know about Cenk, but I'll take mine in cold cash, thank you, no bartering for "WristStrong" bracelets or copies of "I am America and So Can You!". You can take a little off the top for my Colbert Platinum membership, but that's it.

There are those who will try to say that this is a case of "Paralell Thought", and to them I say no way, Buster! I watched Saturday Night Live last night (DVR), and Weekend Update didn't do that joke, going with a different, less funny Nobel jab. If it had been an obvious joke, SNL would definitely have done it.

Rest assured, even in my newfound wealth, I will remain an intrepid Political Machinist and Jung Jurk. I might have to change my position on taxes, though.