This primary season, I've seen a lot of coverage of the Clinton campaign, even here at The Machine, and I got to thinking, what would a Clinton presidency be like? I looked through our Clinton stories, and I found that only one of them was by me. ( This one was tagged Clinton, but it wasn't really about Clinton, and this one wasn't really about anything. Well, it was about not being about anything.) To be fair to me, I'm not the only one lagging, and we can all do better.
I like to think of myself as an individualist, to a degree, but this is approaching unfairness. I owe it to my country to really put some thought into this, to visualize a Clinton presidency, and all that it implies. I have done that, and I have concluded that a Clinton Presidency would be extremely damaging to our country.
Let's look at this analytically, point by point.
Economic Policy: It is Clinton's stated policy to "Give Up the Funk". I see this as a wholesale endorsement of "Socialized Funk", an extreme position even for a liberal. Now, a more moderate Democrat might favor Funk subsidies, while Republicans would more likely favor the deregulation and consolidation of the Funk, but no reasonable person wants government control of the Funk. That's just un-american. Although I don't normally favor privatization, I think that in this area, a good example has been set by companies like Lipps, Inc. and The Hues Corporation.
Healthcare: Everyone knows Clinton's FLASHLIGHT (Federally Legislated Assignment of Subsidies for Health Insurers to Get Healthcare Tight) initiative is a hot mess, and amounts to nothing more than welfare for huge corporations.
National Security: For a liberal, Clinton is surprisingly reluctant to take the "Atomic Dog" option off the table. This, despite the fact that the technology is years, perhaps decades away from even a prototype. On the plus side, Clinton does plan to appoint to the Joint Chiefs several of The Commodores, but not Lionel Richie.
Immigration: Clinton's laissez-fair "Tear the Roof off the Sucker" policy would have our country quickly overrun with low wage legal immigrants, intent on "turning this mother out." Unacceptable.
Environment: There has been much confusion over Clinton's "Chocolate City" proposal, with most people believing that it's a plan to help revive blighted urban areas. Anyone bothering to actually read the policy paper would learn that, as a way to incentize citizens and companies to fight global warming, Clinton intends to build several cities, literally, out of chocolate.
Experience: This is something of a gray area. Although Clinton has vast experience as a member of Parliament, there is no precedent for a U.S. president having served in a foreign legislative body.
All in all, I'd say the picture here is pretty clear. Sure, we'd all like to be "One Nation Under a Groove", but when it comes to a Clinton Presidency, the only appropriate reaction is, "Double Uh-Oh." If you want to "get funked up", George Clinton is your man, but if you're looking for the leader of the free world, you could not do much worse.
What's that? Hillary Clinton? Oh, well, she's not my favorite, but I bet she'd do a pretty good job. Why?
HILLARY IS OUR ONLY HOPE!! THE POWERS THAT BE DO NOT WANT HER BECAUSE SHE IS FOR THE PEOPLE AND SHE HAS ALWAYS BEEN FOR THE CHILDREN, THE POOR AND TH ELDERLY. SHE WILL BRING OUR COOUNTRY BACK TO WHAT IT ONCE WAS - RESPECTED BY FOREIGN POWERS AND LOVED BY ITS PEOPLE. OBAMA WOULD BE JUST ANOTHER WAS PRESIDENT. EDWARDS DOES NOT HAVE THE STRENGTH OR KNOW HOW TO LEAD THE PEOPLE. DON'T BE GULLIBLE AND LISTED TO THE MEDIA. JUDGE FOR YOURSELF BY WHAT YOU KNOW AND SEE.
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marilyn f
1:43PM Feb 20th 2008
i see very little comment about the fact that mr obama has muslim ties and very little experience with high office. those who blast hilary for the republican vendetta against bill are not very impressive either. the scandal that the republican regeim hoisted on america to try to get bill clinton out of office was costly to all americans in time money and prestige in other countries. BUT it was just bull. they tried and tried to prove the clintons were crooks and cheats and the only thing they could come up with was a PERSONAL slam. what went on with bill and monica was not the business of the senate but only of bill,hilary and their daughter. would you all like your homes invaded with this bull. when the clintons werem in the whitehouse social security was solvent and secure, the budget was balanced for the first time in years. think of that .... there were even JOBS for people. since bush and his court have been in there we have had nothing but war and disasters and constantly rising prices in the nessesary commodities such as gas and oil and housing. what makes you think mr obamas promises are even as good as mrs clintons. he has far less experience in dealing with the double dealers in washington than hilary . true they are both supposed minorities. so what. so are we common citizens under the current regiem. no one knows who will actually be better at this all important job but past experience is bound to be more helpful than retorec. tink before you vote. domt be led to slaughter by the people who would like to get your vote in their pocket for purely political reasons.
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Steele Willison
5:23PM Feb 26th 2008
This made my day! I think this is the best satire on the presidential campaigns i have ever heard
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George Bush
11:59AM Feb 27th 2008
I'm sure we can all agree that nobody can do worse than me in office. I admit I dont know what I am doing here. Everyone should have known that as a Republican I would mess things up.
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PATRICIA A TOOMEY
7:58PM Dec 21st 2007
ANYONE BUT HILIARY IF THE DEMOS PUT HER UP I SHALL NOT VOTE THEY SHOVED KERRY A NON WINNER, DUKAKA ... A NON WINNER AND LOOK WHAT WE GOT CAN YOU GUESS I AM ORIGINALLY FROM MA NOW OF TX AGAIN SAW THE BUSHES DESTROY TOO MANY THINGS SO TELL THE DEMOS TO GET SMART AND PUT A WINABLE PERSON EDWARDS OR WEBB NO OTHER WILL THE MULTITUDE OF THE USA GO FOR
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John
8:54PM Dec 21st 2007
What the heck was that??? Give us some real facts instead of drivel will you please.
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BRENT
8:39PM Dec 21st 2007
WHAT IN THE HELL WILL THESE DAMN OLE REPUBLICANS THINK OF NEXT: LET'S SEE; 'THERE'S AN ASTROID COMING AND IT'S GOING TO STRIKE US IF WE DON'T DO WHAT THESE MURDERING REPUBLICANS TELL US TO DO'. NO IN TRUTH THESE PEOPLE ARE STILL JUST A BUNCH OF NUTS THAT STOLE THE WHITE HOUSE IN 2000 AND HAVE MANAGED TO JUST ABOUT DESTROY THIS NATION. MY XMAS WISH IS FOR ALL OF THESE REPUBLICANS TO GET 'LOCKJAW' SO THEY CAN'T SPEAK FOR THE NEXT 1,000 YEARS.
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D. L. GRAHAM
9:03PM Dec 21st 2007
THE CLINTON CAMPAIGN HAS BEEN A DIASTER!
Forget about a Hillary Diane Rodham-Clinton Presidency and the damage that would do, it's the damage that the campaign is doing right now that's an even worse mess. Hillary is handing the election to the (GOP) Grand Old Party.
Joe Lieberman has taken the dual citizen Jewish/American voters over to Mc Cain, and the (GOP), which means, New York City, L.A. and Flordia. Why, do you ask? Hillary Flip-Flopped on leaving a large American Buffer of American Troops, between Israel and the Shi'ite Persians of Iran.
Hillary Diane Rodham-Clinton is filling the ranks of the Independent Voters Ranks, much of the Democratic Party is fleeing into no party status, not wanting to be part of the (GOP), but at the same time not wanting to be stuck with a Clinton Coronation. (ABC) Anybody But Clinton. The Fire Wall of New Hampshire dried up, with (50%) fifty percent of the registered voters now Independent.
Why New Hampshire you ask? Billy Shaheen, Barry Obama admits to having done drugs, during his young. And, now we need to know when was the last time he did drugs? Did you ever give drugs to anyone? and Did you sell to anyone? And then Mark Penn had to jump on the band wagon on the program Hardball, with Chris Matthews, on MSNBC, all you had to do was paint a clown face on this guy and give him a few baloons and we would have a new Clara Bell. What a joke. Then we got the none apology, apologies, "I reject completely the kind of line-crossing that I've stood up against in my campaign consistently BAA! BAA! BAA! From Queen Hillary. It's a tie in New Hampshire even with Barry Obama not having much time to spend there and Billy Shaheen, and Snowman Slick Willie William Jefferson Clinton making numerous trips to the Granite State.
Hillary is planning a trip out here to California, and why? Joe Lieberman! Lieberman killed Hillary out here, when he defected, no more money or support from the Jewish/American L.A. voters. No, support for Israel no more support for Hillary.
Hillary has started a religious war in the political campaign, that has spread to both side of the polical divide. A Candidate had a Great-Grandmother who was Catholic, Jewish, Morman, Muslim, so they can't be one of us they are one of THEM! A Candidate when to a grammer school when young, where the school was (50%+) Catholic, Jewish, Morman, Muslim, and we don't know if the candidate still has close ties with THEM! Who are THEM! They are not us!
Hillary is facing a third place in IOWA, followed by a loss in New Hampshire, and going into South Carolina, with (1/2) one half the voters Afro-American with Barry Obama having the wind at his back, and a real shot at being the first real Black President of The United States of America.
Next, what Flordia, after Joe Lieberman defecting and facing all those retired rich dual citizen Jewish/American Voters, plus its a Jeb Bush State, YA Right on that!
I could go on and on and on, about Hillary Diane Rodham-Clinton but why? If Hillary doesn't just stop and get out, she may be the worse thing that ever happened to the Democratic Party. She is going to be the oposite side of the coin to Billy.
A Clinton Presidency a diaster, her campaign is a mega diaster.
Very Respectfully, D. L. Graham El Cajon, San Diego, CT. Ca.
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Stephen
9:58PM Dec 21st 2007
A Clinton Presidency a disaster? Bush's is good? It can't get any worse!
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Michael Walsh
10:27PM Dec 21st 2007
yea, let's put the clintons back in the white house. hillary can cackle all day and bill can jump women in the oval office when hilly is is out of the country making a fool of herself and the united states. achmadinajad and hugo chavez are waiting for this.
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Elena Moore
11:06PM Dec 21st 2007
Men who dislike Hillary can't stand a woman smarter than them while the women are just plain dummies low esteemed that hides from their husbands' back. Common people we all know that Hillary is the only candidate from both parties that makes sense and has true experienced running the white house, the country and who can deal with foreign affairs . It would be a disaster if Obama WINS . WAKE UP AMERICANS WE CAN'T HAVE ANOTHER WEAK PRESIDENT AGAIN WHO WILL ONLY DEPEND FROM HIS ADVISERS AND WILL ACT LIKE A REAL TRAINEE AT THE WHITE HOUSE.
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nan
10:40AM Dec 22nd 2007
Hillary Clinton will be the best President this country has ever had. She is smart, strong, capable and experienced. I cannot wait until she gets into the whitehouse and finally, finally CHANGES America. Bring the troops home, reform healthcare, fix the economy, deal with energy and global warming - not to mention everything else that has been screwed up these past 8 years.
HILLARY CLINTON 4 PRESIDENT.
www.hill4pres.com
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sds
11:35PM Dec 21st 2007
I disagree completely with your comments. Hillary Clinton would be a great President and WILL BE!! Our best years were during Bill Clintons Presidency. We had money, no deficents, we had HOPE for the future. Most of all WE HAD NO WAR. Think about it!!! A worried grandmother
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chester
11:35PM Dec 21st 2007
Hillary would be a disaster!! I Will never understand how some of you support this women.. It is so glaring evident she is a socialist and is the most devious person in washington. It has been stated by multiple staff members past & present that she is a mean and shifty person and will crush you if you don't agree with her.. And then, there's Bill, is there no morals left in this country !! Hillary is nothing but a liar, and has a dark past (facts are facts). She is running for President people, not some hollywood sitcom....
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1-4-Romney
11:54PM Dec 21st 2007
John8:54PMDec 21st 2007 What the heck was that??? Give us some real facts instead of drivel will you please. ============================================= Lighten up and use your noggin. It was actually quite clever.
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Mr. Clark
11:56PM Dec 21st 2007
Tommy Christopher,
THAT was a very funny piece! I just love a good sense of humor. Enjoy your Holidays.
Sincerely and respectfully,
Mr. Clark
TO: D. L. Graham: Enjoy the Holidays as well. (In case you missed my comments to that effect the other day.)
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Tommy Christopher
3:36AM Dec 22nd 2007
RG, Mr. Clark, Thank you for getting the joke!
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Joseph Cuomo
4:10AM Dec 22nd 2007
Do we realily need another Clinton in the White House? Hillary Clinton will bring the country to its final end. We will have the same old Washington greed etc etc etc etc etc!!!!!!! Nothing will ever change in Washington. It cannot because she is Washington up to her neck. God please help us! Rudy where are you!!!!!
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Vicky
7:21AM Dec 22nd 2007
Finally someone who isn't part of the Hillary showcase....this woman is on an ego trip and wants the entire country to ride with her.......not every common sense woman knows she is the best one for the job......the common sense woman knows she is the worst one for the job.....I have waited for the past several years to see what good she can do in her current position and so far I am still waiting.....New York wanted her let them keep her...being married to a cheating husband and believeing his lies blaming everything on left wing extremists doesn't make her quilified
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JOHN
9:06AM Dec 22nd 2007
SENATOR HILLARY CLINTON IS GOING TO MAKE A GREAT PRESIDENT.VERY FUNNY TOMMY.LOL