McCain: 'Why is Chelsea Clinton So Ugly?'

Really, John McCain? You want to ask why someone is ugly? Salon reported the content of the once-taboo knee-slapper, delivered by McCain at a Republican fundraiser in 1998:

The fact that McCain had made the tasteless joke was reported in major newspapers, as was the vain attempt by his press secretary to initially deny what McCain had done. But in several major newspapers, the joke itself was kept a secret.

Salon feels its readers deserve the unadulterated truth. Though no tape of McCain's quip has yet emerged, this is what he reportedly said:

"Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because her father is Janet Reno."

This story is upsetting on several levels, which I will get into after the jump, but foremost, as a former stand-up comic, I am outraged that McCain committed a comedic cardinal sin exceeded only by theft of another comic's material. He used crummy material to get a cheap laugh. It's the ultimate hack move, right up there with name-checking the town you're performing in. Even Yakov Smirnov is trying to keep it fresh. Let's see if his new material is up to snuff. First of all, McCain needs to get his eyes checked, Chelsea's a honey. But what makes it worse is, he told the gut-buster in 1998, when Chelsea was barely 18 years old. That's right, war hero John McCain picking on a little girl. At that time, Chelsea had not entered political or public life, facts that would seem to have placed her off-limits.

Still, the whole thing could be overlooked if the joke had actually been funny. You know, like "What do John McCain's balls taste like? Depends."

Also, why were journalists so reluctant to report the content of the joke? Certainly not to spare Chelsea's feelings, as the broad strokes were as hurtful, if not more so, than the actual joke. It's hard to believe that a gaffe-obsessed media cabal would pass up such a golden nugget of hoof-mouthery.

I've got to give McCain some credit, the joke about the prisoners wasn't half-bad. Additionally, the "Bomb, bomb Iran" thing actually would have been funny, except he butchered the delivery. That, and he's seeking the authority to be able to bomb Iran, not a job at the local radio "Morning Zoo."

McCain's new material, while less cruel, is equally hackneyed, which would be easier to overlook were it not for the contrast provided by his Republican opponent and comedic superior, Mike Huckabee. Now, that guy knows how to get a laugh. Maybe they could team up. I bet President Obama will be looking for an opening act for his inauguration.