Obama-McCain Letters: From Hope to Hatred

"Instead, what began as a promising collaboration between two men bent on burnishing their reformist credentials collapsed after barely a week. The McCain-Obama relationship came undone amid charges and countercharges, all aired publicly two years ago in an exchange of stark and angry letters." -- Washington Post, March 31, 2008

Dear Senator Obama,

Congratulations on your election. I hope we can work together on campaign-finance reform and other pressing bipartisan issues, my friend.

Warmly,
John McCain

Dear Senator McCain,

Thanks for your kind note. I look forward to working with you in leading the country to a new future. Also, "hope" is my word.

Your Friend,
Barack Obama

Dear Barack,

"Leading" is a bit presumptuous, isn't it? You've been a senator for what, five minutes? I am still amicable to a brief meeting so I can tell you how things work here at the Senate, maybe after the lobbyists fly me back to Washington on a fancy corporate jet the likes of which you've never seen. (PS -- "Friend" is my word.)

Regards,
John

Dear John,

Perhaps your definition of "reform" is a bit different than my own. Language does have a tendency to change meaning over the centuries. I look forward to hearing about how you built the Capitol after clearing the Potomac swamps.

Tolerably,
Barack

Dear Barry Hussein,

Thank you for confirming everything I originally thought about you -- that you are a high-minded foolish punk who should've been toughened up like I was, in the Viet Cong torture camp. Too bad you spent the Vietnam years doing marijuana at a Muslim college in Soviet Africa.

Angrily,
John

Dear "Juan,"

Forgetting for a minute that you haven't got a snowball's chance in Hades of winning the election, are you sure you're even eligible to run for president? Last I heard, you were born in Panama. All it takes is a quick glance at your shriveled old head to know your birthday must have been long before your pretend grandson Teddy Roosevelt started building the Canal, in 1904. No wonder you want to keep America at war in Iraq for another hundred years -- it all blurs together for you, Gramps.

I "hope" you drop dead,
B.

Ken Layne is the editor of Wonkette. He burns all his correspondence.