Ted Turner Overheats

4 years ago

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Justin Paulette is an attorney practicing international law in bella Italia. He hails from the great Buckeye State, "The Heart of it All," the only state with a bridge which you can cross and still be on the same side of the river, home of the hot dog, pop top soda can and the largest basket in the world! Though he's spent the past decade jet-setting across the Atlantic with one foot in London and the other on Capitol Hill, he still fancies himself a Mid-western, God-fearing, role-playing geek at heart.

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God help poor Ted. America's political landscape would be so much blander were it not for the reliable lunacy of men such as CNN-creator Ted Turner.

Turner's latest descent into madness relates specifically to global warming - and the resulting collapse of civilization, extinction of most humans and famine-induced cannibalism we may expect within the next 30-40 years.

So much for long-term investment bonds. Fortunately, Turner provides the solution to this Armageddon scenario: Less people. Since humans are the problem ("Too many people are using too much stuff"), "everybody in the world's got to pledge to themselves that one or two children is it." China would be proud.

Turner also opined about "the war we can't win" in Iraq, asserting that "we're being beaten by insurgents" whom Turner prefers to call "patriots." While it would be folly to exploit the ravings of one man to an entire social movement, I must wonder how many within the environmental camp would wish to distance themselves from Turner's remarks.

Filed Under: Environment, Humor

Tagged: global warming, GlobalWarming, ted turner, TedTurner

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