The 1st Annual Veepstakes Hypothetical Awards

The Hill newspaper asked 97 Senators this question:

"If you were asked, would you accept an offer to be the VP nominee?"

This sounds like a pretty simple question. Vice POTUS is probably the best job you can get without having to do anything to earn it. But these Senators act like they've been posed some mystical Zen koan, along the lines of the job interview trump card, "What's your biggest weakness?" (I care too much)

I'm not going to list all 97, but I encourage you to, and pick out your own favorites. Instead, I am going to hand out hypothetical trophies to a few of the most deserving answers.

The "Bitter Much?"Award goes to:

Sen. Lamar Alexander (R-Tenn.) "I know already who it will be: the man in charge of the search. There's no need for me to respond. That's how you get to be vice president."

The "Oversimplified, Yet Totally Accurate, Job Description: Slacker Division" Award goes to:

Sen. Bob Bennett (R-Utah) "Of course. Big house, big car, not much to do. Why not?"

The "World's Worst Bragging Rights" Award goes to:

Sen. Kit Bond (R-Mo.) "Obviously, anybody who's asked would consider it very seriously, but I'm not worried about it. I had the pleasure of being on Gerald Ford's short list in '76, but a lot of things have changed since then."

The "Dude, I'm Just a Reporter and Can't Put in a Good Word" Award goes to:

Sen. Sam Brownback (R-Kan.) "I would be honored to be asked. I've got to appraise the position in considering it. But I haven't gone to the step of saying whether I would or wouldn't at this point ... I'd probably take away from the ticket, too. There's always pros and cons. I'm strong pro-life, pro-marriage, and some people would say, 'Well, I don't like that.' But really, people vote for president. Not vice president. I think vice president can hurt you more than it can help you. I can't remember any time in my lifetime where I voted for a president because of the vice presidential nominee."

The "Zing! (Democratic Division)" Award goes to:

Sen. Robert Byrd (D-W.Va.) "No, I can already preside over the Senate, and I do not enjoy spending a lot of time at 'undisclosed locations.' "

The "Self-Zing!" Award goes to:

Sen. Larry Craig (R-Idaho) "I would say 'No, Hillary.' "

The "Oversimplified, Yet Totally Accurate, Job Description: EMO Division" Award goes to:

Sen. Judd Gregg (R-N.H.) "No. I don't like going to funerals."

The "My State Sucks" Award goes to:

Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-Vt.) "No. I'd like to see somebody from a large, diverse state."

The "Mikulski – Murkowski Special Contrast Award" goes to:

Sen. Barbara Mikulski (D-Md.) "Absolutely. Absolutely. I think I would be great. First of all, I know how to behave at weddings and funerals. And I know how to be commander in chief. I'd bring a lot of fun to the job. We would rock the Naval Observatory."

Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R-Alaska) "My name has been discussed partly because I'm a female and it's always nice to balance things in gender ... I've discussed it with my kids. My 16-year-old thinks it's a fabulous idea because he thinks we probably couldn't find any better residence in Washington, D.C., than the Naval Observatory. That's the fun part of the question, but I think anybody, if you were seriously asked, I think you have to give it very real and genuine consideration. I don't expect to be asked, but if I were I would give it real and genuine consideration."

The "Overly-Strong Denial, Meaning it's My Deepest, Fondest Hope" Award goes to:

Sen. Jay Rockefeller (D-W.Va.) "No. I'm too deeply ingrained in the culture of the people of West Virginia. It wouldn't even be a choice for me. I want to stay where I am and do what I do. That's non-debatable."

The "Soaring Oratory" Award goes to:

Sen. Tim Johnson (D-S.D.) "Nope."

The "Yeah, Sure, That's the reason" Award goes to:

Sen. Jon Kyl (R-Ariz.) "No, and in my case it's obvious: There's not going to be two candidates from Arizona."

And, finally, the "Most Honest and Best Answer" Award goes to:

Sen. Byron Dorgan (D-N.D.) "Are you kidding? Every senator would accept that offer. My guess is that almost every senator looks at themselves in the mirror in the morning and sees either a future president or vice president."