Barack Obama: International Man of Mystery

John McCain unveiled a one-two punch of political theater this week that finally gelled, for me, the Republicans' central narrative for this election: America is embroiled in a bad spy flick. First, there was McCain's new ad, "Dr. No" (more on that later), and then his unveiling of the portentously monikered "Lexington Project."

Immediately, I thought, "What is that, some kind of weather control device? A moonbase from which to launch covert attacks? Some sort of (air quotes) 'laser?'"

It also put me in mind of the GOP's "24"- style FISA scare ad, and all of the nutso smears against Barack Obama. They all focus on his exotic lineage, and his "friends" around the globe, and are dependent on a suspension of disbelief worthy of "Moonraker."

Throw in gold-obsessed former candidate Ron Paul, recurring good-guy-turned-villain Ralph Nader, and you've got yourself the makings of a summer blockbuster, or as those in the biz call it, a "tentpole." (Don't feel bad, I'm chuckling, too.)

It turns out the "Lexington Project" is a set of tax cuts, incentives, and funding initiatives designed to be an attempt at trying to work toward beginning to scratch the surface of the tip of the iceberg that our energy policy has crashed into. It might help, but it will certainly make a lot of rich folks even richer.

I like the idea of a $300 million prize for a better electric car. See, the reason nobody has invented a better electric car yet is that they're not sure there's any money in it. This would remove that uncertainty.

Then, there's the "Dr. No" ad. Here's the script. A "Chyron" is the graphic that appears on the lower third of your TV screen, usually saying something like, "Crisis in Quebec: What You Should Know."

CHYRON: Barack Obama Is Dr. No. No To Drilling Offshore Oil.

BARACK OBAMA: Offshore drilling would not lower gas prices today.

CHYRON: No To A Gas Tax Holiday.

BARACK OBAMA: I think John McCain's proposal for a three month tax holiday is a bad idea.

CHYRON: No To Innovation. No To The Electric Car.

BARACK OBAMA: In this campaign, John McCain is offering the same old gimmicks.

CHYRON: No To Clean, Safe, Nuclear Energy.

BARACK OBAMA: I start off with the premise that nuclear energy is not optimal. I am not a nuclear energy proponent.

CHYRON: Barack Obama Truly Is The Dr. No Of Energy Security. Paid for by John McCain 2008.

So, McCain just paid to make an ad where he lets Barack Obama say why he disagrees with a bunch of stupid ideas. Great job!

In all seriousness, showcasing Obama's opposition to drilling, the gas tax holiday, and nuclear energy is a bad idea. None of those things are resonating with voters, certainly not enough to evoke the parallel McCain is looking for. He would have been much better off going after Obama on ethanol, an issue that does have some traction.

As far as the merits of the Lexington Project go, many of McCain's goals are worthy, but there's no "there" there. It would be as if I introduced a "Project X-Topher" to end world hunger, and it consisted of a map to several Outback Steakhouse locations.

If John McCain keeps campaigning this way, he may find himself, sooner rather than later, fleeing his quaking, lava-spewing, dispassionate-female-voice-countdowning underground lair.

Note: To any readers who will be in striking distance of Philadelphia on Friday, June 27: Some Political Machine writers and readers are getting together (unofficially) to celebrate John from Philadelphia's birthday. Click here for details.