Pet Owners Overwhelmingly Back McCain

If Barack Obama loses the November election, his campaign will face a number of tough questions having to do with age, experience, business relationships and low-interest loans. But, according to a new report from the AP, there's an even more devastating bombshell about to surface:

Obama Does Not Own a Pet & John McCain Does

Results of an AP-Yahoo! News poll show that pet owners (and especially dog owners) prefer Sen. John McCain 42 percent to Obama's 37 percent.

McCain knew this moment was coming. During his decades-long quest for the Oval Office, the former aviator has methodically acquired a mini-army of more than a dozen cuddly creatures including Coco the mutt, Sam the English springer spaniel, Oreo the black & white cat, a ferret, three parakeets, two turtles and a tank of saltwater fish.

Obama, meanwhile, doesn't even have a chinchilla. Not even a dwarf hamster. Not even a gecko.

Yet all is not lost for the Illinois Senator. People who don't own pets, it turns out, support Obama 48 percent to McCain's 34 percent. However, with 88 million cats and 75 million dogs spreading joy, companionship and drool throughout 63 percent of American households, we're talking landslide territory for McCain.

If I'm Obama, I'm making a pit stop at the next Petco.

B. Brandon Barker is the author of the novel Operation EMU.