McCain Defeats Clinton, Wins Presidency

Hat tip to Politico for unearthing this bit of sci-fi journalism from the McCain campaign. Regular readers of The Political Machine know that I've done my share of inter-dimensional journalism, traveling to an alternate universe where John Kerry won in 2004, and receiving dispatches from the 2016 Democratic primary, but I missed this story.

Coincidentally, Christina Cedeno of YesToDemocracy.com hosts a similar piece of speculative fiction, an examination of just what would happen if PUMA, PUMAPAC, et al, were to get their way in Denver and overturn Barack Obama's nomination in Hillary's favor.

As luck would have it, I don't have to speculate. I have the latest in internet connectivity, "reallybroadband," so I can actually get news from the future.

McCain Defeats Clinton, Wins Presidency



By Tommy Christopher
Nov 5th 2008 5:11AM

Call him President Elect McCain, thank you very much. The GOP Senator swept to victory in last night's general election, handily defeating Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton, who received only 18 million votes.

While McCain struggled with Republican apathy, his 19 million votes were enough to defeat Clinton, who only managed to carry Florida.

Outside of Clinton's campaign headquarters, Clinton supporters carrying PUMA signs immediately began chanting, "D.C! D.C.!" The chants died down as soon as someone informed them that the U.S. Constitution doesn't have a Rules and Bylaws committee.

After Clinton was nominated in August, where 433 delegates were mysteriously absent (they were later found, tied up, in a house containing 56 cats and a laptop), she had a tough time in the general election. Unable to find a Democrat who was a. willing to run with her and b. not Joe Liebermann, she was forced to tap Alan Colmes as her running mate.

Fundraising was also a challenge, as most of the people who had engineered the Denver coup had already donated the maximum amount to John McCain.

Clinton spokesman Howard Wolfson seemed curiously unconcerned. "Senator Clinton is polling extremely well among people who thought about voting but didn't, and we feel confident that, come inauguration day, their voices will be heard. This is a process."

Senator McCain tried to console Clinton during his victory speech, joking that she "probably enjoyed" the defeat.