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    New President Can't Afford To Do Anything

    Ken Layne's OutrageHello, comrades! How does it feel to live in a fading country under an all-powerful totalitarian leader who runs our sickly nationalized economy?

    Pretty good, right? You know what's so special about communism? There's none of this pretending you're in charge of your financial fate. You're not, at all! It was pretty exhausting, being a full-time consumer. But now you can just relax and try to keep up with which state-run grocery has bread or toilet paper this week. Simple.

    But the best news for people afraid of "change" is that the new president will have about twenty bucks to run the federal government for the next four or eight or hundred years.
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    Henry Paulson might be a hero or he might be remembered as the guy who sunk the United States forever. Whatever the historical verdict, most people today believe he's sincerely trying to bail out the leaky boat before it sinks and everyone is eaten by horrible sharks.

    But there's a trillion-dollar price tag (at least) for buying Wall Street's bad real-estate debt, guaranteeing the money market funds, taking AIG down gently and nationalizing mortgage giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. The new administration will face a budget deficit and national debt far larger than any president has ever encountered.

    The Chinese and the oil sheiks may soon tire of buying our debt. There are still a couple of very expensive American wars eating up tens of billions a month. Unemployment is rising crazily, and the fastest-growing American demographic is old people with no money who need Social Security and Medicare. The hurricanes and floods and tornadoes and earthquakes and plagues and ice storms will continue to cripple our broken national infrastructure, until one grim day when the oil rigs never come back online and the whole nation creaks to a terrible, final stop.

    But that could be a dozen years or more away. Let's think about next January, when Obama or maybe even that other guy, the angry old fellow, becomes president.

    Tax cuts for the rich will have to be cut. Tax cuts for the other 90% of us will have to wait. There will be no big health care or education programs, no huge government push towards renewable energy. Public education will continue to be mostly lousy. Bridges will keep collapsing, trains and planes will keep crashing.

    In a bankrupt America, presidential decisions will be severely limited and potentially apocalyptic.

    McCain and his nutty running mate dream of attacking Iran -- McCain because he so desperately wants America to win at least one little pointless war before he dies, and Palin because she hears voices in her head and thinks it's Jesus. There's no money for hiring out a traditional invasion and the volunteer military is bogged down in Iraq and Afghanistan. McCain would probably remember that we've still got all those Cold War nuclear missiles perpetually ready to launch. And then he would finally fulfill his crazed destiny, and we would all burn.

    If Obama gets to the White House, he would quickly acquire all the "experience" any pundit could possibly demand, along with a lot of heartache no president really ever wanted at all. He might have the guts to be the new FDR but he'll be stuck with the budget of a suburban mayor in Alaska.

    Hard times ahead, people. So make sure to vote for the one who makes you "feel good" -- that and a box of Oxycontin will make next year so much better.

    Ken Layne is the managing editor of Wonkette. He has a one-year emergency supply of Bordeaux.


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