Predictions From Caleb

Obama Reaches Voters

Verily, while in repose there came upon mine eyes a darkness. And in its grip my mind was given to see upon the day of choosing, and lo I was able to tell what that day would bring upon us.

It came to pass in the year two thousand and eight, there dwelt upon the land of America a great strife. The peoples of the earth mingled freely in this land, but were sore afraid. They wandered in fear of a recurrence of the great soup times of many years gone. They believed the oceans themselves awaited their fate on the day of choosing, when the tide would know whether to rise or fall. And walking among and above them all was The One.

The One went from one state to the next on that day, reaching out his hand to those called voters. One state at a time, the voters took that hand.

The mighty heretic Tommy Christopher was there. "The light is upon us" he sayeth, verily. "The signs are here, that He who we have chosen will walk in the house of white." And though it was only the hour of eight in the morning, Tommy Christopher was sure of his claim to victory.

In the darkest valley of the land there strode a terrible monster. A malodorous and foul beast, the ogre Olber Man feasted upon carrion and howled in his wretched voice. And the valley shook as he spake against Tommy Christopher saying "I called it for the One sixty and four days past and gone. Thou art the carrier of water for the Ancient One".

The Ancient One, too, strode across the land. In every town and village he beseeched and sought allies, calling out "My friend, my friends!" But as the day of choosing wore on, those friends became fewer.

A great war was upon the land. The men of ass and the men of elephant faced off in contest after contest. And one by one the men of elephant fell. The power of the One was too great, the people of the land too blessed.

In mine eye my vision shifted. A man of ass, heavy and beset with madness, spake to his allies and named them "hick." They called him Murtha, and he fell in battle. There was much rejoicing.

Across the globe of earth, the day was watched in trepidation. On the streets and fairs of the middle of the east, the peoples of friendly nations wished for the One, that they might feel connected with the land of America. The peoples of enemy nations, too, wished for the One, but kept their own counsel on their reason. Among those friendly lands the leaders and powerful wished for the One to lose. The pull of the Holy was less strong that far from its source, and they hoped for peace and prosperity for their lands. They feared a darkness to descend upon them, as the One would surely draw unto his breast his scattered children.

Again, my vision shifted. There emerged from the haze a portion of the lands of America, though the haze did not fully disperse. I saw mountains of smoke, valleys of swamp, and hats of straw. The land is called the South, and the Ancient One finds victories here, and there occurs much lamenting and rending of garments. In the land of visions they call "web" his victories are explained. "Bitter" they accuse. The land of south chose the Ancient One not for right but for race.

In some areas of the land, the power of the One was weak. His armies couldn't stand alone. But in the moments of doubt, a might oak sprang forth, and from it came a rain of ACORNS to smite his enemies. As the One had told the peoples many times before, the earth and what grew of it were his allies, by the word of the master of net and nature, Algore.

The Ancient One fought long and hard the day of choosing. But in the end his armies numbered only two hundred and thirty nine. The One stood with two hundred and ninenty nine. The clouds parted and shone down upon him in glory, and no one had to worry about their mortgage or gas anymore, even those having never believed this day would come.

For some the victory still was not well won, for the margin was too slim. "Cheaters and heretics" cried Dowd the Shrew and Matthews the Tingler. "Halliburton and voting machines" cried Maher the Maleficent. There came a thunderous, but nasally, sound from a heaping mountain local residents called Michael Moore. "The One would have won all the states if this were the glorious garden of Cuba" ... but many considered this the belching of a sulfurous volcano and pretended not to hear.

The One was upon the land, and the light spread from corner to corner. From Colorado to Pennsylvania, but not to the city called Chicago which has a boon from the One to remain shadowy and unlit. In the houses of of the money changers things changed also. The men of elephant gain but three seats and lost fully eighteen in the congress. The senate became a land of fifty five for the men of ass.

Once more my vision shifted, to one year hence. Great suffering was upon the land. The nation of Turkey was at war with the nation of Armenia, over a declaration of the One. People were clothed in sackcloth and ashes, having discovered a continuing need to worry about mortgages and gas. Lo, the armies of the world failed to heed the One, and continued to act in their own interests rather than lay down their arms. Faster and faster my sight swirled across the globe, seeing the madness brought by the One. The Great Bear awakened and feasting, the land of the Mighty Wall surging in power. The Madman of Persia had an ugly red button in his hand. At last my vision was blurred by the speed of my swirling and I could see no more.

Darkness fell. Silence. Then a small voice said, "the future is not yours to know, Caleb Howe. It is yours to make. If you but go and choose on the day of choosing, you can make a difference. If change be coming, then be it your own or another's? Let not the voices of the foolish still your hand or heart."

Though the prophets to a man name victory for the One, that victory is not written until the day of choosing be done.

The day is nigh, and one day hence I shall walk among the crowds from my vision. I will stand with the men of elephant. Be our day unpredictably victorious, or our effort be futilely glorious, I'll know one thing: I was there. I spoke. I chose.