The Biggest Loser

Though it may sound trite, or stolen from the pages of a self-help paperback, on some fundamental level all Americans were winners in last night's historic election. By choosing Barack Obama president of the United States, our country did something few have ever done before: it selected a member of a minority to lead the majority. That fact alone speaks to the fulfilling of the promise of America as so eloquently laid out by our founding fathers.

Yet, while we can take time to bask in the betterment of our union, there are those whose wounds are still smarting today. Yes, there were more than a few losers last night, too. And now that the sun has risen, it is time for a sober (if not hungover) assessment of who fell the farthest. Just who was, to borrow the television-show title, the biggest loser?

Let's meet the contestants:

Sarah Palin did not fare well in exit poll surveys. A full 60 percent said she was not qualified to be president. She went from rising star in the GOP to crash-and-burn satellite.

Elizabeth Dole lost big to Democrat Kay Hagan. North Carolina voters recoiled from Dole's outlandish attack ad portraying Hagan as an atheist. Worse for Dole, she'd put $3 million of her own money into her reelection bid.

Joe the Plumber wasn't technically running for anything, and he did manage to talk his way out of a speeding ticket this week, but his incendiary accusations that Obama secretly hated Israel, and was overtly anti-American forever transformed him into Joe the Skinhead and effectively killed whatever loony hopes he may have had for winning a congressional seat.

Joe Lieberman made a not-so-dramatic break from his party during this campaign, and sang the praises of both John McCain and President Bush at every conceivable turn. Oddly, had the Democrats cracked the 60-seat majority in the Senate, they might have had some use for Joe. He stands to lose his chairmanship and credentials and will be hard put to see another term in Congress after this one expires.

John McCain knew it wasn't going to be easy. After admitting he didn't know much of anything about the economy, and then confirming as much by repeating, again and again, that the fundamentals of said economy were just dandy, he pandered to the right wing of the party yet again and selected Sarah Palin. The campaign that ensued was beneath him, and everybody with a modicum of intelligence sensed it.

George W. Bush can be seen as something of a common ancestor to all those losers who followed him last night. As Americans flocked to the polls, the president's approval rating had dropped to an historic new low: 20%.

There are, of course, lots of others we might have added to this list: Chris Shays, who, before going down in defeat, was the only remaining Republican senator in the Northeast. Karl Rove, whose Republican Frankenstein party has now come un-stitched. For that matter, fear-mongering itself seemed to go the way of the dinosaurs last night. But I'm sticking with my six contestants. Vote, and feel free to add your own entrants into the competition in the comment section.