Setback for Same-Race Marriage?

On Wednesday morning the phone rang bright and early. I'd barely picked up the receiver when the voice on the other end shrieked: "I need to find a black boyfriend. Stat!" It was Shelley, one of my oldest - and whitest - friends. Shelley was a big Obama supporter. This morning she was overjoyed ... and stressed.

"Um, why do you 'need' to find a black boyfriend?"

"Well," she began, as if speaking to a special-needs child, "President-elect Obama is the product of a black man and a white woman. And he's brilliant. So everyone going to be doing it."

"Doing what?"

"Interracial marrying!!" Duh.

I had so many questions. First I reminded Shelley that interracial marriage has been legal in this country since the 1960s. (Without it Barack Obama might never have been born!)

"Yes," she conceded. "But it's never been so front and center. You know it's going to become The Thing to do. And damn if I'm going to be left out."

Then I reminded her that she has a boyfriend named Preston: a very nice and very pasty white guy.

"Who?" she asked flatly.

Shelley's premise seemed to be that the legality plus social acceptance of interracial marriage would equal a huge and irresistible trend -- and she wasn't going to be left out.

If Shelley is even partly correct -- that people are so impressionable when it comes to dating and marriage -- it could explain why California voters passed Proposition 8 on Tuesday, effectively banning gay marriage only months after the state's Supreme Court allowed licenses to be issued.

If same-sex marriage is legal, it might threaten straight marriage in the same way that interracial marriage threatens same-race marriage. (It's rare that I ally myself with racial purists, but hear me out.)

Let's face it: even the straightest of men and women is a tiny teeny leeeeeetle bit gay. (No one is completely straight.) For that reason, staying focused on one's opposite-sex partner can sometimes be hard, especially if there are attractive openly gay people hanging around. As it is straight married couples face enough struggles. The last thing they need is the distraction of gay marriage. ("Distraction" isn't quite the word. Gay marriage has more of an "allure.")

Think about it: If gay marriage were legal, a straight married man would face constant temptation. At little Timmy's Saturday afternoon soccer game he might find it impossible not to turn to the tan fit gay dad next to him ... and start making out with him. Sweetly, slowly, passionately. Not a quick peck on the lips, but the kind of MGM cinemascope kiss that takes your breath away, sweeps you off your feet, transports you ... unravels you. Sigh. (Not that Timmy's Mom would care. She's in a three-way with Heather's two lesbian mommies.)

The next thing you know, Timmy's formerly straight parents divorce, then get gay married. And all because the law gave them that option.

What do you think of the gay marriage ban in California? After its passage, are you confident that straight marriage is safe from the temptation that lurks in all of us?