Star Trek 2008: The Wrath of McKhain

JJ Abrams, producer of the best show on television, has breathed fresh life into Star Trek by using old characters with a new cast and a new attitude. If you watched the new trailer, and didn't feel the urge to rush giddily to the theater right now to line up for the May premier, then you must be some kind of emotionless, green-blooded freak.

Still, the honeymoon for the new, old Trek franchise is likely to be short, so I've got a backup plan ready to go.

Election 2008 was a historic event, epic in its sweep. I think that by combining it with the classic Trek characters, JJ and I will have an even bigger hit on our hands.

Caleb Howe has other ideas, choosing to taint the whole affair with inferior characters from later Trek incarnations like "The Next Generation," which barely rise above the level of fan-fic. I guess he knows about as much about Star Trek as he does about politics. You can read his travesty of a Trek treatment here.

Captain James Tiberius Kirk: Young and brash, this iconoclast with the funny middle name doesn't play "Space Exploration as Usual." That's why Barack Obama will be the captain of our Enterprise. I briefly considered Mitt Romney because he looks the part, but he would just end up steering the ship wherever his crew wanted him to.

Mr. Jeffrey Spock: That's right, our Mr. Spock will have a first name. That's change we can believe in. Now, since Spock is super-smart and is cooler than Hoth in February, we're gonna have to do the Hayley Mills thing here, and have Barack Obama play Spock, too. That'll just make this movie Awesome Squared!

Dr. McCoy: Ship's surgeon Leonard "Bones" McCoy will be played by Joe Biden, who will begin most of his scenes by saying, "I'm just an old Scranton doctor!" McCoy was forever making affectionate, racially-charged jabs at Spock, so Biden's McCoy will do the same to the "clean, articulate" Mr. Jeffrey Spock.

Scotty: On a post-partisan Enterprise, Rudy Giuliani will be Chief Engineer Montgomery "Scotty" Scott, and his dialogue will consist entirely of a verb, a noun, and "The ship can't take much more of this!"

Khan Noonian Singh: Who better to play the wrathful angel of vengeance than John McCain? Like Khan's home, Ceti Alpha IV, McCain was blown out of his orbit during this campaign by the flameout of his party.

General Chang: On the verge of unity with humankind, the ruthless Klingon general eschews an alliance with Kirk, in favor of pitched mortal combat. Hillary Clinton plays Kirk's fierce, worthy rival, who puts 18 million cracks in the Enterprise's hull.

Yeoman Rand: Her Starfleet career just beginning, this clipboard-wielding force of nature will be played by Chelsea Clinton.

Lt. Ilia: This pheromone-emitting, follicly bereft Deltan officer will make moviegoers sit up a little straighter in their seats when played by Sarah Palin.

Sarek: We needed someone with Barack Obama's smarts, but without his half-human emotional side, to play his pure-Vulcan father. Ron Paul fits the bill.

Andorian Ambassador: We don't really need this character, but I just want to see how Caleb puts antennae on Fred Thompson.

R2D2: Dennis Kucinich will cameo as the diminutive 'droid, who accidentally gets shot out of a photon torpedo tube, and makes that decidedly un-'droid-like squeal as he disappears into the icy blackness of space.

Read Caleb Howe's take: Star Trek: The Vexed Generation


Star Trek 2008: The Wrath of McKhain – by Tommy Christopher

Star Trek: The Vexed Generation – by Caleb Howe

Which Star Trek Characters Should Be In Barack Obama's Cabinet?
by Tommy Christopher


Obama's Star Trek Casting Call by Caleb Howe

Tommy Christopher and Caleb Howe co-host "Unusable Signal" , on BlogTalkRadio Tues - Thur at 10pm, and Fri, & Sat at 11pm. Click here for the Unusable Signal homepage.