Barack Obama Is America's Favorite Republican!

The Ivy League degree, the traditional family values, the fancy Christmas vacation at an exclusive beach resort for rich people, the Republicans in his new administration -- is there any doubt that handsome elitist Barack Obama is America's newest, wealthiest conservative hero?

He was at it again today, picking his close friend and (of course) Republican politician Ray LaHood as the new Secretary of Transportation.

We were still cheering that announcement when the new president let it be known that evangelical Christian super-preacher Rick Warren would deliver the religious speech at Obama's traditionalist inauguration.

Obama's "base," America's investor-millionaires, were delighted this week when Obama's new Treasury Secretary, Tim Geithner, slashed America's benchmark interest rate to zero. Our capitalist stock markets all saw explosive rallies. The money is coming back! Barack Obama is restoring America's wealth!

We haven't had a president so patriotic and so friendly to U.S. capitalism since, well, Ronald Reagan

It's no wonder President-Elect Obama is always talking about how much he admires the greatest leader of the 1980s, in America.

Barack Obama doesn't just admire Reagan. Who doesn't, after all? Barack Obama is Reagan. The new Reagan, all young and handsome and actually married to his first wife and actually a father to his children.

In many ways, Obama is also the new Nixon, and also Eisenhower.

Wake up, America, you bunch of sleazy tattooed obese single-parent white-trash failures always begging for a handout from people who dress well. The family is back.

Sure, there are some "sore losers" in this New America, some whiners and welfare grifters who can't see the Shining City on a Hill through their dope haze of despair. Marijuana addicts aren't too happy about the new administration, for example. No more smoking your dope with food stamps, dummies! George W. Bush is gone!

Ken Layne is a lifelong patriot and editor of the conservative website Wonkette.

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