Six Candidates for the Tainted Illinois Senate Seat

3 years ago

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It's Day 14 of the Illinois Senate Scandal, and we've got news for you: Barack Obama's old seat remains vacant, special prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald is still preparing his indictment, and no one has reached the minimum bid listed in Rod Blagojevich's eBay account.

Let's have a look at who's still standing in this mess and place some odds on the next man or woman to join the world's most powerful governing body.

Candidate	Pros	Cons	Odds of Appointment
Rep. Jan Schakowsky	Seems untarnished by the scandal. A known commodity statewide.	America may not be ready for a Jewish Senator.	3 : 1
Sec. Tammy Duckworth	Female, Asian-American war hero.	Electing Iraq veterans is so 2006.	7 : 1
Rep. Jesse Jackson, Jr.	Name recognition, oratorical skills, $500,000.	To call him tainted is an insult to Chinese baby formula.	0 : -1000
Caroline Kennedy	Polling reveals that 78% of New Yorkers believe she'd make an excellent senator from Illinois.	Unclear if she can ever be dragged from her beloved Syracuse.	19 : 63
Mike Ditka	Big hair, cigars, a lifetime supply of Levitra... you couldn't custom-build a better senator.	Is a liability to trade nuclear arms for the draft rights to Ricky Williams.	46 : 10
Gov. Rod Blagojevich	He's got this thing and it's [bleeping] golden!	Will be preoccupied with his duties as Secretary of HHS, Ambassador to England and chairman of several corporate boards.	25 : Life

Who will be the next senator from Illinois?
Jan Schakowsky	1947 (30.2%)
Tammy Duckworth	1283 (19.9%)
Jesse Jackson, Jr.	1019 (15.8%)
Caroline Kennedy	949 (14.7%)
Mike Ditka	961 (14.9%)
Rod Blagojevich	284 (4.4%)

Filed Under: Democrats, Barack Obama, 2008 Senate, Scandal, Humor, Polls

Tagged: barack obama, BarackObama, caroline kennedy, CarolineKennedy, jesse jackson jr., JesseJacksonJr., mike ditka, MikeDitka, rod blagojevich, RodBlagojevich, tammy duckworth, TammyDuckworth

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