Let's Appoint All Senators

Did everyone have a good Christmas or whatever? No? Oh, sorry about all that. But Christmas is all about the Economy -- and when the Economy is bad, Christmas is lousy. It's the Reason for the $eason!

If your presents were sucky this time around, just remember that all Great Depressions usually come to an end, eventually. The 1920s-1930s Great Depression only lasted about a dozen years!

But there's one kind of gift America can give no matter how poor we are, and no matter how many families live in boxcars and eat rats for dinner. It's the greatest gift the Founding Fathers made available to certain Americans: a seat in the U.S. Senate!

These days, there are a lot of "sour grapes" because some criminal governor in Illinois is selling Barack Obama's old Senate seat, or because JFK's daughter will get Hillary Clinton's old Senate seat because JFK's daughter is a Kennedy.

Relax, people! The Senate is the one chamber of Congress where the Fancy People are supposed to serve. It's in the Constitution [INTERN PLZ CHECK THIS].

From the earliest days of our Republic, the Senate was the place where rich people finished their careers. It is basically a reward for being wealthy. It's a tradition that probably goes back to Ancient Greece.

This one guy, Roland Burris? He will make a great senator. Why? He already has a huge burial monument. People in Illinois have photographed the Tomb of Roland Burris, which lists his many, many achievements even though he has not yet died.

The mark of a great man is a great monument, to his greatness.

As for Caroline Kennedy, half the country is already named for her very famous and wealthy father, our late president "JFK" Kennedy. Surely you've heard of the Kennedy Center, in Washington, or the JFK airport, in New York. There are even things named for John F. Kennedy which aren't technically in the United States. (Ireland?)

What we're learning now, as Americans, is that the Senate is really the "patriotic gift." As the embarrassing election contest between Al Franken and Norm Coleman has proven to us all, the Senate is not well suited to "popular vote." Should a Senate seat in Minnesota really be decided by Minnesotans? Given the chance, these people would gladly elect the Lizard People, or even Jesse Ventura.

Let's clean up American politics. Let's have all U.S. senators appointed by governors.

Ken Layne teaches Tory Politics at the Cambridge Institute of Tory Politics at Oxford, and serves as the senior editor of the economics journal, Wonkette. He lives at Boleskine House on Loch Ness.