The 5 Sexiest Scandals of 2008

Well folks, 2008 has finally come to an end-- and just when George W. Bush had become convinced it never would. It was a year for hope, it was a year for fear, and most of all... it was a year for sex. Scandalous sex to be exact.

Here's a recap of the hottest, wettest, most titillating scandals of the past 365 days. (Please use protection before reading.)

Scandal: Governor Eliot Spitzer (D-NY) gets caught porking a call girl in a Washington hotel room.
Fallout: Spitzer is accused of everything from hypocrisy to violating the Mann Act. He is forced to resign, elevating his lieutenant, David Paterson, to the top spot. Caroline Kennedy adjusts her speed-dial accordingly.
Was It Worth It?: Quite possibly.


Scandal: U.S. Rep. Vito Fossella (R-NY) is discovered to have a second, shadow family in suburban Virginia, replete with common-law wife and three year-old daughter.
Fallout: Fosella drops his re-election bid. His seat goes to a Democrat. Both wives hate him.
Was It Worth It?: Not if you throw in a DUI to top it all off.


Scandal: Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick is caught conducting a long-term affair with his Chief of Staff, as documented by the 14,000 dirty text messages the two exchanged.
Fallout: Kilpatrick is convicted on multiple felony counts and sentenced to four months in prison for obstruction of justice in his attempt to hide the texting scandal. Still, he gets off without further jail time the many other foibles he lifted from the Marion Barry mayoral textbook.
Was It Worth It?: Sure. No one wants to be mayor of Detroit anyway, and maybe when Kilpatrick gets out of jail, he can be signed by the Lions.


Scandal: Nevada Governor Jim Gibbons is ejected from his governor's mansion by his wife, following allegations of an affair.
Fallout: Gibbons files for divorce, hoping the court will award him the governor's mansion. Meanwhile, news surfaces that the Gibbons scandal also involved dirty texting, (although presumably from a different phone than Kilpatrick used.)
Was It Worth It?: No, but it's still a better career move than threatening to rape a cocktail waitress.


Scandal: Bristol Palin, the unwed 17 year-old daughter of Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, gets knocked up by a hick.
Fallout: The McCain/Palin presidential campaign is besieged by Bristol-related gossip. McCain, feeling bad for the girl, declares "the fundamentals of our economy are strong" and starts accepting policy advice from Joe the Plumber-- thus rerouting America's scorn back to himself.
Was It Worth It?: Damn right it was. How else does a high school dropout from Alaska get 100,000 presents and $300,000 for photos?