Chief Justice Roberts: "I Want Money"

As the nation's most powerful administrator of justice, John Roberts faces an awesome responsibility. He must uphold the Constitution, channel the vision of our Founding Fathers, and lead our courts toward that principle upon which all of America is built...

Giving John Roberts a raise.

Chief Justice John Roberts said Wednesday that Congress should be as generous to judges as it already has been to itself, by approving an inflation-related increase in their pay. "I must renew the judiciary's modest petition: Simply provide cost-of-living increases that have been unfairly denied," Roberts said in his annual year-end report on the federal judiciary...

In prior reports, Roberts has focused on the need for the larger increase, which would take his pay to around $280,000 a year and increase trial judges' annual salaries to $218,000.

Justice Roberts is completely right on this issue. After all, the Fair Labor Standards Act and the Equal Pay Act mandate that individuals who perform equal work (such as congressmen and judges) receive equal salaries.

A good example is the heartening case of Lilly Ledbetter, an Alabama tire worker who sued for not receiving the same payment as those who did equal work. In the spirit of Lilly's landmark victory, surely we should award Justice Roberts with a gen--

Wait... what's that? Lilly Ledbetter didn't win her lawsuit? Her case was shot down by the Supreme Court in a ruling assented to by... Chief Justice John Roberts?

Well hot damn.

Needless to say, our sympathies are with Justice Roberts, who no doubt had to work overtime to come to such a patriotic ruling. Will someone please award this man with a stiff drink and a $280,000 salary?