Stimulus in the Age of Viagra

When it comes to stimulus, the massive plan to resurrect the nation's flaccid economy, and the diamond-shaped blue pill used to reinvigorate nether regions of Bob Dole's anatomy have a lot in common. The economic package to be unveiled by Barack Obama upon his arrival at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue is predicated on a similar premise as the taking of Pfizer pharmaceutical's miracle pill, namely, lift-off ain't gonna happen on its own.

There is near-consensus in Washington that we must use artificial means to pump life into our moribund economy. All that people really argue over these days is the dosage required. Some economists want us to think big, Enzyte big, and stimulate to the tune of 1 trillion dollars. Obama and his team are already busy setting the mood with moderate Congressional Republicans, and seem to be aiming at a more modest number of around 700 billion. Mitch McConnell, as is his wont, has a more conservative pick-me-up in mind.

There are no guarantees, of course. As we've seen with our current financial bailout, results may vary. Taking the little blue pill, or the colossal loans required to fund another multi-billion dollar infusion of capital into the marketplace, might not bring about the surge we're hoping to see. Then again, in a small sampling of test subjects, the placebo effect seems to work just as well as the real thing, and, as Phil Graham will remind us, getting it up is often more of a mental than physical problem.

Viagra's known potential side-effects may also give us some pause when we consider the size and scope of our stimulus package. Like the donning of rose-colored glasses, it can alter the way men see color. And when taken by those who don't actually need it can lead to dependency. So, while most people do believe that unnatural means are required to see us regain a little economic mojo, we'd do well to heed the instructions on the bottle before we make a habit of artificial stimulus.