The Music Stops For the Singing Senators

The U.S. Senate re-convened today, but the chamber didn't seem as-- dare we say?-- harmonious as in past sessions.

That's because for the first time in several decades, the body did not include any of the Singing Senators, a barbershop quartet comprised of four Republican lawmakers-- who were also united by making total fools of themselves on the national stage.

Let's meet the four erstwhile Capitol crooners, whose gifts for both music and public shame knew no equals:

Name	Range	Embarassment
John Ashcroft	Baritone	Lost re-election to a dead man. Later wrote and performed "Let the Eagle Soar", a patriot's tribute to clumsy, vibrato-laden metaphors.
Jim Jeffords	Tenor	For his back-and-forth party courtships to get a committee chairmanship, he earned the title of "the Republicans' Joe Lieberman." 'Nuff said.
Trent Lott	Bass	Suggested that the nation "wouldn't have all these problems over the years" if it had elected Strom Thurmond, who ran for president as a segregationist in 1948. Was forced to resign as Senate Majority Leader and wandered the deserts of Washington, eventually finding work as a cat herder.
Larry Craig	Bald Soprano	Arrested in a Minnesota airport for soliciting toilet sex. Issued a pathetic defense: "I am not gay. I never have been gay." Declined to run for re-election, and instead will stay home in Idaho, slurping down super tubers.

And now, in this 111th Congress, all four Singing Senators are gone, clearing the way for more psychedelic rockers like Sen. Charles Grassley (R-IA). But if there's a Republican lobbying firm out there in need of a barbershop quartet... well...