Porn Industry to Request Bailout

Hey, it's not hard on just banks and car makers out there now, you know.

Purveyors of prurient photography and videos are getting screwed, too! The economic outlook is bleak for all entertainment right now. In this slippery environment, people are cutting back on even the most basic of solo pursuits. Apparently the porn industry is trying to push its way out of reams of red ink.

A spokesperson for Hustler's Larry Flynt gushed to CNN:

The take here is that everyone and their mother want to be bailed out from the banks to the big three. The porn industry has been hurt by the downturn like everyone else and they are going to ask for the $5 billion. Is it the most serious thing in the world? Is it going to make the lives of Americans better if it happens? It is not for them to determine.

The CEO of Girls Gone Wild, Joe Francis piled on saying:

The US government should actively support the adult industry's survival and growth, just as it feels the need to support any other industry cherished by the American people.

We should be delivering [the request] by the end of today to our congressmen and [Secretary of the Treasury Henry] Paulson asking for this $5 billion dollar bailout.

While DVD sales have slipped, the bottom hasn't fallen out yet, but they want to be ready for the impending gyrations needed to keep their bottom lines intact. Larry Flynt himself spouted:

People are too depressed to be sexually active. This is very unhealthy as a nation. Americans can do without cars and such but they cannot do without sex.

With all this economic misery and people losing all that money, sex is the farthest thing from their mind. It's time for congress to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America. The only way they can do this is by supporting the adult industry and doing it quickly.

No word yet on whether Congress will swallow this latest request for taxpayer money.