Who Blocked Obamas from Blair House? Howard!

When the Obamas arrived in Washington a bit early to accommodate the start of the school semester, they were unable to stay at the Blair House, traditionally the guest residence for important White House guests. We speculated at the time on who might be so important as to have the house locked down for the period of time the Obamas would need it.

It was that Australian dude. here's a cookie. Now observe our far more interesting suggestions:

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(Guest descriptions in blue are Tommy's, red are Caleb's.)

Tony the Tiger: Bush apparently invited the bengal bon vivant, mistakenly thinking he was the Exxon mascot. Now, they can't get him to leave.

Ken Lay: The founders of kenlayisalive.org will be gratified at this bit of vindication. The site posts sightings of the departed Enron CEO, but I guess they missed this one.

Obama Clone: This obedient Obama doppelganger was created waaay back when Bush was still interested in retaining power. Now, he's stuck with the freak. Rumor has it the O clone is shacked up with Bush's backup plan, a HillBot, and the two rarely leave the room, if you catch my drift.

Scooter from The Muppet Show: Another case of mistaken identity, as Bush thought he was inviting Scooter Libby. Blair House staff say that the freeloading Muppet bit player has run through the DC Madam's entire roster.

Ann Coulter: The outspoken conservative pundit is rarely seen outside the room, usually sitting in a chair near the window. A nervous young man has been seen conversing with her through her door, calling her "Mother."

The Big Three CEOs: They refuse to leave until someone gives them a check. Meanwhile, they're paying three times the going rate and only in the room 15 minutes a day. The rest of the day Toyota uses the room for free office space.

Dick Cheney: Bush made Cheney move into the Blair house in 2003 after seeing "The Blair Witch Project" for the first time. He figured, if anyone could take out the witch ... Cheney has since shot seven different guest house employees in their backs for acting "witchy". Scooter the Muppet is facing charges in all seven incidents.

John Edwards: Well he had to find somewhere to hide! No one wants to kick him out, though. His pay-per-view fees are putting the employee's kids through college. Hey, his name is Mudd, after all.

Governor Blagojevich: Apparently, "a deal's a deal."

Obama Girl: She claims it's her super hero hideout, but I'm wondering if maybe Tommy was right all along and she's actually a closet republican. Either way, I'm organizing an intensive closet search to find out.

Click on window thumbnails to see inside the rooms.