
In an exit interview with CBS Radio,
outgoing Vice President Dick Cheney made some highly dubious claims about himself:
1) He is "warm."
2) He is "lovable."
3) He is "not a Darth-Vader-type personality."
However, Cheney did admit that he does not exist, and instead is a myth perpetuated by teenagers trying to scare each other during sleepovers ...
Cheney also insisted that his influence within the Bush administration was overstated throughout the past eight years. "The notion that somehow I was pulling strings or making presidential-level decisions. I was not," he said.
"There was never any question about who was in charge. It was George Bush. And that's the way we operated. This whole notion that somehow I exceeded my authority here, was usurping his authority, is simply not true. It's an urban legend, never happened."
"Urban legend," indeed. We know that Bush wasn't calling the shots in the White House - but if not him, then what unspeakably evil thing did it?
For the record,
this story was already covered by The Onion four years ago.
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