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    John Kerry Strikes Out With Chelsea Clinton


    Well that was awkward.

    John Kerry, the forsaken Senate Foreign Relations Chairman whom Barack Obama cruelly passed up for Secretary of State, was seated face-to-face yesterday with the woman who took his dream job, Hillary Clinton. And seated behind Clinton was her daughter, Chelsea.

    That's when things got uncomfortable.

    According to Roll Call, the newspaper of Capitol Hill, Kerry for some reason took note that Hillary could not "see her daughter's face" during her confirmation hearing, and decided to amend that. He proceeded to grant Chelsea a "one-day internship" on the foreign relations committee, so that she could sit beside Kerry on the dais.

    To contextualize, the would-be diplomat effectively offered Chelsea, a late-twenties hedge fund officer, a job often staffed by high school students.

    Shockingly, Chelsea "didn't leap at the offer," instead giving Kerry a look that he normally only receives from Teresa.

    Which just further emphasizes what a relief it is that Kerry didn't get Secretary of State. Because he was totally going to try that same line with Angela Merkel.


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    Dylan and Ethan Ris

    Dylan and Ethan Ris are political humorists and veterans of Capitol Hill dating back to the mid '90s.

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