Barack Obama's Real Birth Certificate Could Be Made of Kleenex

...for all the difference it will make now.

My friends at YesToDemocracy.com have been following the obsessed believers (called "birfers") in the whacked out conspiracies about Barack Obama's birth certificate for a long time now. The birfers' struggle to unseat Barack Obama remained under the sanity radar until around the time our Liza reported on them. Their court-clogging antics have been good for some chuckles, and not much more.

But in these last hours before Barack Obama is inaugurated, I'd like to indulge them, and perhaps even vindicate them.

Let's just assume Barack Obama's birth certificate is as fake as a politically motivated mugging/face-carving. Picture it under lock and key, guarded by Hawaiian Knights Templar, who know of your struggle and cackle about it over dinner.

The document, visible through an impenetrable forcefield that Obama himself invented, contains incontrovertable proof that...Obama was born in Kenya. Wait, no, it doesn't have a name, but a serial number! Obama is a robot! Or it shows that his name is really Barry Williams, and he was switched at birth with the Brady Bunch guy, who is the rightful heir to the Presidency. Take your pick.

What do you think will happen on Tuesday, after Obama is sworn in? It is too late to stop it now. The Supreme Court will still be sugaring up their coffee when he takes the oath. What do you think will happen to you birfers then?

You'll be disappeared into a subterranean sweatshop, where you'll painstakingly hand-paint the Obama logo onto White House stationery and copies of the Bible, and beg your foreman, William Ayres, for a sip of his Perrier. That's if you're lucky.

My advice would be to go into hiding right now, the sooner, the better. Run like the wind, sand off your fingerprints, swap jugs of urine and other fluids to foil the biometrics, and don't ever look back.

Before long, some sharp journalist will notice, either way , that all of the birfers have vanished, and the world will know: You were right! You were right all along.

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