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Six Remaining Republicans All Running for Chairman
Posted:
01/30/09
Filed Under:George W. Bush, Republicans, Rudy Giuliani, John McCain, Mitt Romney, Humor, Voting, Predictions
The Republican Party is in an unusual position this year, having lost the presidency, both houses of Congress, the majority of state governors, 4/5 of "The View" cast, Charles Barkley, Rudy Giuliani's daughter, and probably everyone who's ever met Mitt Romney.
As for the nation's six remaining Republicans... well, it turns out they're all running for party chairman! As the winner could be announced as soon as today, let's meet these contenders, and predict which of them will earn the charge to emulate their fine predecessor, Mel Martinez.
Related: Radical Reformers Vs. The Establishment
As the comments section shall undoubtedly reveal, there are probably way more than six remaining Republicans out there. So we invite you - between swipes at both Barack Obama and your very own Ris brothers - to share your predictions as well as your own visions for the GOP...
As for the nation's six remaining Republicans... well, it turns out they're all running for party chairman! As the winner could be announced as soon as today, let's meet these contenders, and predict which of them will earn the charge to emulate their fine predecessor, Mel Martinez.
Related: Radical Reformers Vs. The Establishment
| Name | Pros | Cons | Odds |
|---|---|---|---|
 Mike Duncan incumbent |
Under his watch, McCain won Utah, Idaho and Oklahoma! | Putting "Personal Shopper for Sarah Palin" on his resumé was a big no-no. | 0 : 1 |
 Saul Anuzis Michigan GOP Chairman |
Name recognition. | As the Michigan GOP chairman, he's about to lose his job to a Chinese sweatshop's GOP chairman. |
7 : 1 |
 Katon Dawson South Carolina GOP Chairman |
Has the most classically Republican name in the field. One that must be a big hit at the whites-only country club he used to frequent. | Since he's representing, among others, Miss South Carolina, his platform calls for distributing maps to people who don't know about "South Africa and the Iraq everywhere like such as and." | 1861 : 1 |
 Michael Steele former Maryland Lt. Governor |
As an African-American, would bring much needed diversity to the GOP leadership. | What does it tell the nation when a one-term former Lieutenant Governor is - by far - the most prominent minority your party can offer? |
9 : 1 |
 J. Kenneth Blackwell former Ohio Secretary of State |
As an African-American, would bring much needed self-hatred to the GOP leadership. | Dishonest secretaries of state who steal elections for George W. Bush don't last long in politics. Just ask Katherine Harris. | 8 : 1 |
 former Tennesse GOP Chairman |
His physical resemblance to George Allen will inspire the anti-Macaca wing of the Republican Party. | By disseminating a song called "Barack the Magic Negro," Saltsman drew focus to a relic of America's past that the GOP has pledged to disavow... Peter, Paul & Mary. Also, he dropped out last night. |
As the comments section shall undoubtedly reveal, there are probably way more than six remaining Republicans out there. So we invite you - between swipes at both Barack Obama and your very own Ris brothers - to share your predictions as well as your own visions for the GOP...
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Dylan and Ethan Ris
Dylan and Ethan Ris are political humorists and veterans of Capitol Hill dating back to the mid '90s.
Comments (14)
JB
8:40AM Jan 28th 2009
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mm1KOBMg1Y8................
As of this evening (01/28/09) @ 8:39 AM EST, over 2,016,440 have visited youtube.com -- and discovered how King HUSSEIN was "SELECTED" Supreme Ruler of The 57 Divided Socialist States of America................
Be prepared to get very upset as you watch the video at:...........http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mm1KOBMg1Y8
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Louis IX KingofFrance
9:43AM Jan 28th 2009
to those of us white males who experienced the fabulousity of segregation,
the very thought of 21st century republicans attempting to represent themselves as upper class white people is ludicrous and pathetic.
give it up losers,
y'all have absolutely no idea.
the boat already left without y'all.
the very thought of 21st century republicans attempting to represent themselves as upper class white people is ludicrous and pathetic.
give it up losers,
y'all have absolutely no idea.
the boat already left without y'all.
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(0) Frog Eyes
9:42AM Jan 28th 2009
I am surprised there are six republicans remaining!
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(0) David S.
9:45AM Jan 28th 2009
And you forgot Ken Blackwell was also trounced in his quest to be the most religious Republican Governor ever in 2006 in Ohio - praise the Lord.
Michael Steele would be the GOP's best bet to lead them out of the wilderness - but I am guessing Republicans will likely go for Mike Duncan again.
Michael Steele would be the GOP's best bet to lead them out of the wilderness - but I am guessing Republicans will likely go for Mike Duncan again.
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(0) Caleb
10:11AM Jan 28th 2009
Self-hatred? Classy. But hey, the old 'Republicans are Racists' joke NEVER gets old ... as evidenced by the fact you used that one same joke for pretty much every pro or con in the list.
Yeup. Classy.
Yeup. Classy.
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(0) sandnsun
10:15AM Jan 28th 2009
Yes!! Michael Steele!!! The best bet!!
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(0) Howard Gould
11:40AM Jan 28th 2009
What about the re-animated corpse of former NY Lieutenant Governor Malcolm Wilson? He would help the GOP with three key demographics:
1) zombies
2) people who love the Tappan Zee bridge
3) people who are mortified
1) zombies
2) people who love the Tappan Zee bridge
3) people who are mortified
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(0) JB
9:48PM Jan 28th 2009
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mm1KOBMg1Y8................
As of today (01/28/09) @ 12:15 PM EST, over 2,016,740 have visited youtube.com -- and discovered how King HUSSEIN was "SELECTED" Supreme Ruler of The 57 Divided Socialist States of America................
Be prepared to get very upset as you watch the video at:...........
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mm1KOBMg1Y8
RATE THIS COMMENT: (0)
(0) Blue
1:56PM Jan 28th 2009
Caleb,
Your defensive reaction makes it seem as if none of the things they mention never happened:
-Blackwell's disenfranchisement of African Americans
-Dawson's all-white country club
-the Macaca moment
-the Barack the Magic Negro song
All of these things really happened. You might not want bloggers to make jokes about it, but all of these things are fair game, just like geithner's taxes and john edwards' affair and bill clinton's foreign donors. You put yourself in the public sphere and you're asking for public scrutiny.
Your defensive reaction makes it seem as if none of the things they mention never happened:
-Blackwell's disenfranchisement of African Americans
-Dawson's all-white country club
-the Macaca moment
-the Barack the Magic Negro song
All of these things really happened. You might not want bloggers to make jokes about it, but all of these things are fair game, just like geithner's taxes and john edwards' affair and bill clinton's foreign donors. You put yourself in the public sphere and you're asking for public scrutiny.
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(0) Caleb
2:56PM Jan 28th 2009
MMM, nice try Blue, but wrong. You list left-spin as fact. Especially wrong on Dawson. But hey, who cares what happened in reality when you can just go "REPUBS ARE RACISTS!!11!1!" and spare yourself the difficulty of using brain cells to consider policy rather than to determine whether to be a dwarf or a ninja in your next marathon online gaming session?
Thanks for playing, though.
Thanks for playing, though.
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(0) Blue
3:23PM Jan 28th 2009
Caleb, if your retort is to accuse me of being some dorky online gamer (and what on earth is that about?), then you aren't helping your argument at all.
Left-spin? Give me a break buddy. That Dawson thing has been reported in every major news outlet, including all tv networks, nytimes, WSJ. There's even a link in this blog.
So calm down, wipe the spittle off your mouth, and let the facts speak for themselves. You're never going to win a debate by hurtling ad hominem insults at strangers.
Left-spin? Give me a break buddy. That Dawson thing has been reported in every major news outlet, including all tv networks, nytimes, WSJ. There's even a link in this blog.
So calm down, wipe the spittle off your mouth, and let the facts speak for themselves. You're never going to win a debate by hurtling ad hominem insults at strangers.
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(0) wormy
1:55PM Jan 30th 2009
Yep, there are alot of those "all white male clubs" in the great repukecan state of SC.
Been to a few; but not as classy as his probably is--I got friends in loooooww places, etc.
I GUARANTEE IT; KNOW FOR A FACT!
YEP, YEP, YEP, YEP GOOD OLE REDNECK BOYS CLUBS! YEP
Been to a few; but not as classy as his probably is--I got friends in loooooww places, etc.
I GUARANTEE IT; KNOW FOR A FACT!
YEP, YEP, YEP, YEP GOOD OLE REDNECK BOYS CLUBS! YEP
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(0) Cube
5:25PM Jan 30th 2009
The bookie's getting freaking pegged. Oh Wesley Snipes line.
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(0) Cube
5:36PM Jan 30th 2009
1) I don't give a shit what Peter, Paul, and Mary say, Puff the Magic Dragon is about kind buds.
B: Caleb, it's one thing to be a sore loser after your boy and pet retard took a beat down, but Christ man, you make the bitter beer face guy look like he just got the best blow job of since the dawn of Man. Why you gotta fuck with the Ris Bros. What'd they ever do to you? They will out-chart you all day. HEAR ME? ALL DAY. Sorry the big elephant in the room has a "Kick Me I'm A Racist" sign on the his trunk. And, a "trunk" for an elephant is in the front of that beast. Which is weird if you think about how people commonly use the word, "trunk." I mean, "trunks" are in the back. What the fuck?
B: Caleb, it's one thing to be a sore loser after your boy and pet retard took a beat down, but Christ man, you make the bitter beer face guy look like he just got the best blow job of since the dawn of Man. Why you gotta fuck with the Ris Bros. What'd they ever do to you? They will out-chart you all day. HEAR ME? ALL DAY. Sorry the big elephant in the room has a "Kick Me I'm A Racist" sign on the his trunk. And, a "trunk" for an elephant is in the front of that beast. Which is weird if you think about how people commonly use the word, "trunk." I mean, "trunks" are in the back. What the fuck?
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