Six Remaining Republicans All Running for Chairman
Dylan and Ethan Ris
Contributors
Posted:
01/30/09
The Republican Party is in an unusual position this year, having lost the presidency, both houses of Congress, the majority of state governors, 4/5 of "The View" cast, Charles Barkley, Rudy Giuliani's daughter, and probably everyone who's ever met Mitt Romney.
As for the nation's six remaining Republicans... well, it turns out they're all running for party chairman! As the winner could be announced as soon as today, let's meet these contenders, and predict which of them will earn the charge to emulate their fine predecessor, Mel Martinez.
Related: Radical Reformers Vs. The Establishment
As the comments section shall undoubtedly reveal, there are probably way more than six remaining Republicans out there. So we invite you - between swipes at both Barack Obama and your very own Ris brothers - to share your predictions as well as your own visions for the GOP...
As for the nation's six remaining Republicans... well, it turns out they're all running for party chairman! As the winner could be announced as soon as today, let's meet these contenders, and predict which of them will earn the charge to emulate their fine predecessor, Mel Martinez.
Related: Radical Reformers Vs. The Establishment
| Name | Pros | Cons | Odds |
|---|---|---|---|
 Mike Duncan incumbent |
Under his watch, McCain won Utah, Idaho and Oklahoma! | Putting "Personal Shopper for Sarah Palin" on his resumé was a big no-no. | 0 : 1 |
 Saul Anuzis Michigan GOP Chairman |
Name recognition. | As the Michigan GOP chairman, he's about to lose his job to a Chinese sweatshop's GOP chairman. |
7 : 1 |
 Katon Dawson South Carolina GOP Chairman |
Has the most classically Republican name in the field. One that must be a big hit at the whites-only country club he used to frequent. | Since he's representing, among others, Miss South Carolina, his platform calls for distributing maps to people who don't know about "South Africa and the Iraq everywhere like such as and." | 1861 : 1 |
 Michael Steele former Maryland Lt. Governor |
As an African-American, would bring much needed diversity to the GOP leadership. | What does it tell the nation when a one-term former Lieutenant Governor is - by far - the most prominent minority your party can offer? |
9 : 1 |
 J. Kenneth Blackwell former Ohio Secretary of State |
As an African-American, would bring much needed self-hatred to the GOP leadership. | Dishonest secretaries of state who steal elections for George W. Bush don't last long in politics. Just ask Katherine Harris. | 8 : 1 |
 former Tennesse GOP Chairman |
His physical resemblance to George Allen will inspire the anti-Macaca wing of the Republican Party. | By disseminating a song called "Barack the Magic Negro," Saltsman drew focus to a relic of America's past that the GOP has pledged to disavow... Peter, Paul & Mary. Also, he dropped out last night. |
As the comments section shall undoubtedly reveal, there are probably way more than six remaining Republicans out there. So we invite you - between swipes at both Barack Obama and your very own Ris brothers - to share your predictions as well as your own visions for the GOP...