Who Should Be the Next Secretary of Health and Human Services?
Dylan and Ethan Ris
Contributors
Posted:
02/6/09
The Obama Administration is nearly three weeks old, and our nation still does not have a secretary of Health and Human Services.
We do, however, still have an IRS. Say, did you know that receiving complimentary car & driver service is subject to taxes? Well now you do. Also, if you once underpaid the IRS by $298, it will come back to haunt you. Ditto if your husband underpaid. But if you are going to underpay, $34,000 seems to be the number to go with.
Still, none of this changes the fact that we need to find someone to replace Tom Daschle. With that in mind, here are some leading contenders for the post at HHS.
We do, however, still have an IRS. Say, did you know that receiving complimentary car & driver service is subject to taxes? Well now you do. Also, if you once underpaid the IRS by $298, it will come back to haunt you. Ditto if your husband underpaid. But if you are going to underpay, $34,000 seems to be the number to go with.
Still, none of this changes the fact that we need to find someone to replace Tom Daschle. With that in mind, here are some leading contenders for the post at HHS.
| Name | Pros | Cons | Odds |
|---|---|---|---|
 Howard Dean former governor, presidential candidate and DNC chairman |
Not only is he going to bring health care to New Hampshire, Tom Harkin. He's bringing it to South Carolina... and Oklahoma... and Arizona... and North Dakota... and New Mexico! And he's going to California... and Texas... and New York! And he's going to South Dakota... and Oregon... and Washington... and Michigan! And then he's going to Washington, DC to work in Obama's White House! YEAGHGH!! |
When writing a check to the IRS for $102,972.31, he rounded down to an even $102,972. | 3 : 1 |
 Kathleen Sebelius Kansas Governor |
So Obama's the first African-American president. Big Deal! Sebelius got elected as a Democrat in Kansas. | Didn't declare an Obama refrigerator magnet among her taxable gifts received. |
4 : 1 |
 Debbie Stabenow Michigan Senator |
If she's plucked from the Senate, Gov. Jennifer Granholm would have to appoint a successor, and the only Democrat left in Michigan is Kwame Kilpatrick. Who said C-SPAN has to be boring? |
Claimed her husband's prostitute bills as a business deduction on her 1040 form. | 11 : 1 |
 Michael Steele Republican Party Chairman |
It seems the only qualification Obama requires of his recent nominees is that they be Republican. | Neglected to report a $5 bill he found lying on the street in his 1993 federal income tax report. | 99 : 1 |
 Willie Nelson musician |
Can solve every health problem in America with one simple prescription. (And the only side-effect is the munchies.) | None. | 4 : 20 |
| Howard Dean | |
|---|---|
| Kathleen Sebelius | |
| Debbie Stabenow | |
| Michael Steele | |
| Willie Nelson |