Congress Declares Pittsburgh the Winner of Super Bowl XLIII

Calling all sports junkies! If you've been waiting on edge, desperate to learn the winner of Super Bowl XLIII, your big day has finally come.

Congress has convened, drafted a resolution, and the winner is... Pittsburgh! By unanimous consent!

Here's an exciting recap of the game, just for readers of the Congressional Record. (You will not find this on ESPN, kids.)

S. Res 27

Whereas on February 1, 2009, the Pittsburgh Steelers defeated the Arizona Cardinals to win Super Bowl XLIII;

Whereas the Steelers' 27-23 victory over the Cardinals was the Steelers' sixth Super Bowl win, the most Super Bowl wins in National Football League (NFL) history;

Whereas the Rooney family has exhibited a strong commitment to the Steelers organization...

Whereas "Steeler Nation," which encompasses fans from all over the world, is to be honored for proudly waving "Terrible Towels" in support of the Pittsburgh Steelers...

What an exciting and dramatic resolution to conclude the 2009 NFL season! We only wish there was time to read the resolutions declaring whereas the game was played in Florida, whereas the weather was sunny, and whereas John Madden should be honored for getting through an entire broadcast without mentioning Brett Favre.

The House also got into the fun with a resolution praising game MVP Santonio Holmes as well as one praising the Rooney family, which was co-sponsored by - stunningly - Rep. Tom Rooney (R-FL), who himself should be honored for his contributions as Dan Rooney's nephew.

So now that the results are out in public, Americans should feel free to stage parades, throw victory parties and cash in on those ever-important bets.

And speaking of bets, if you put down money that the first Senate utterance of "terrible towels" would be a Saxby Chambliss speech about Islam... well, guess you lose.