Peanut CEO Gives Worst Congressional Testimony Since Mark McGwire

Congress has heard its share of pathetic testimonies over the years. Recent lowlights included pubic hairs in Clarence Thomas's Coke, Sammy Sosa forgetting how to speak English, and Mark McGwire acting like the biggest dweeb to ever hit 70 home runs in a season.

And then there was Terri Schiavo, who despite being subpoenaed to testify before the Senate, had the nerve to not even show up!

Well this crowd has some competition for the worst testimony in the history of Congress. That's because yesterday Stewart Parnell, CEO of the Peanut Corporation of America came before the House Committee on Oversight and Investigations amid charges that his company had consciously shipped salmonella-tainted food all over the country.

And how did Parnell respond when asked about e-mails and company documents that suggest he knowingly fed poison to America's youth?

"Mr. Chairman and members of the committee, on advice of my counsel, I respectfully decline to answer your questions based on the protections afforded me under the U.S. Constitution."

Okay, Mr. Parnell, but what about the news that your company's products have killed 9 people and poisoned some 600 others?

"Mr. Chairman and members of the committee, on advice of my counsel, I respectfully decline to answer your questions based on the protections afforded me under the U.S. Constitution."

Fine, but at least address allegations that you've known about these health hazards since 2007 and yet have defiantly ignored them, even going so far as to order reluctant employees to ship out products you knew to be tainted!

"Mr. Chairman and members of the committee, on advice of my counsel, I respectfully decline to answer your questions based on the protections afforded me under the U.S. Constitution."

For a final act, Parnell was asked if he would eat his own product. No need to waste valuable pixels printing his response here.

That's right, Parnell gave the same cowardly non-answer to every question offered up by the committee! What a creep. Six hundred poisoned, nine dead, and he won't say a word. At least when Oliver North gave his disgraceful false testimony to Congress, he had the decency to pretend he was crying!