Political Robot Bobby Jindal Shows Why He'll Never Be President

Paging the political robot factory! Urgent recall needed on serial number RNC37LA2012, aka "Bobby Jindal." Unit malfunctioned on national television last night. Among noted system errors:

* Unit could only manage one vocal cadence pattern under current factory setting of "Southern Human."

* Gross syntax errors regarding health care content. [Note: Check to see if technician loaded "facts" database or only the "dishonest talking points" one.]

* System-wide memory deficit regarding money Louisiana has accepted from federal government. Time frame: Hurricane Katrina-present. Technician should refresh.

* Unit was only programmed with one economic script: Tax cuts. Factory should upgrade unit capabilities to "leadership" levels.

* Unit's respect-for-audience meter was set to "lobotomy patients watching Barney" instead of "public minded citizens who stayed up to watch a policy speech." Defect appears to trace back to 2005 model DNC05ZZZ, aka "Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi."

* Attempts to model unit after noted Earth human Barack Obama must extend beyond "ethnic minority" setting. Current unit more closely resembles model GOP94ROACH666, aka "Tom DeLay," with a few upgrade patches. Must completely reprogram to reach beyond market of core product enthusiasts.

* Aside to graphics department: If nothing else, make unit's smile less creepy. Recalibrate by 2012 at very latest.

End transmission.