Clarence Thomas Is Mystified By Dishwashers, Thinks 'Rights' Are Overrated

It must be comforting to attorneys, plaintiffs and defendants presenting arguments to the Supreme Court that the robed men frowning down on them from the bench spend their time out of court absolutely bewildered by the magic of dishwashers.

Well at least that's true of one of them, Associate Justice Clarence Thomas.

Speaking in front of what the New York Times called "a fancy hot-pink lectern that glowed from the inside," Thomas told a group at the Bill of Rights Institute that he was much more interested in the inner workings of dishwashers than in the fundamental rights of man...

"I have to admit," he said, "that I'm one of those people that still thinks the dishwasher is a miracle. What a device! And I have to admit that because I think that way, I like to load it. I like to look in and see how that dishes were magically cleaned."

While we're sure that Thomas's slovenly Supreme Court colleagues appreciate the associate justice loading the dishwasher for them, we have to wonder how they feel about Thomas's opinions toward fundamental, inalienable rights?

The event... was devoted to the Bill of Rights, but Justice Thomas did not embrace the document, and he proposed a couple of alternatives.

"Today there is much focus on our rights," Justice Thomas said. "Indeed, I think there is a proliferation of rights."

"I am often surprised by the virtual nobility that seems to be accorded those with grievances," he said. "Shouldn't there at least be equal time for our Bill of Obligations and our Bill of Responsibilities?"

We think a Bill of Responsibilities is an excellent idea. And why not start by applying it to the 9 member body that guards our Constitution on behalf of the entire country? Specifically, we think that if you're entrusted with the duties of Supreme Court justice, the Bill of Responsibilities should require you to have asked at least one single question during attorney's arguments between February 2006 and the present.

Now are you sure you still want to go forward with this, Justice Thomas?