Egypt Panics Over Swine Flu, Orders Slaughter of All Pigs

Alright, who went and made Joe Biden the president of Egypt? Given that nation's hysterical overreaction to the spreading epidemic, this seems to be the only explanation.

We refer to the Egyptian government's declaration that all pigs in the country must be slaughtered post-haste to prevent the spread of a disease that they very clearly do not have...

Egypt began slaughtering the roughly 300,000 pigs in the country Wednesday as a precautionary measure against the spread of swine flu even though no cases have been reported here yet, the Health Ministry said...

"It has been decided to immediately start slaughtering all the pigs in Egypt using the full capacity of the country's slaughterhouses," Health Minister Hatem el-Gabaly told reporters after a Cabinet meeting with President Hosni Mubarak.

Egypt's hog genocide is even more irrational than Biden's apocalyptic visions of catching swine flu on your subway ride home tonight. Here's why:

- There have been zero reported cases of swine flu in Egypt.

- The disease is being transmitted entirely by humans at this point. The only way Egyptian pigs could carry the disease is if they've been fraternizing with Mexican pigs in the past two weeks.

- You cannot get the disease from eating pork. Apparently the Egyptian government knows this, since they're quoted as saying "farmers would be allowed to sell the pork meat" from the slaughtered animals.

- There is now evidence that the swine flu, though real, is actually less harmful than your garden variety flu that pops up every year.

Finally, there's the unverified theory that the entire notion of "swine flu" is simply a case of President Obama continuing to slander Sarah Palin for her "lipstick on a pig" remark at last summer's Republican Convention.

No matter what reason you choose to accept, one thing is clear: By week's end, Egypt will be far less concerned about swine flu than they'll be about airborne bacteria from pig carcasses rotting in the sun.