Anna Nicole and the Endless Quest for Loot

From beyond the grave, Anna Nicole Smith is continuing to fight for money from her brief marriage to an 89-year-old Texan billionaire oilman, J. Howard Marshall. The Playboy model, reality show star and celebrity train wreck who died of a drug overdose in 2007 and her lawyer Howard K. Stern have spent 15 years on a judicial system odyssey that may have its last performance this Thursday before a federal appellate court in Seattle.

Anna Nicole Smith was performing in the Houston strip club Gigi's Cabaret when Marshall discovered her. The old man fell in love with the buxom blonde and pursued her until, in 1994, she left her husband and married him. Who can forget the wedding photo of 26-year-old Anna Nicole sitting on the lap of wheelchair-bound Marshall? Ahh, young love.

After 14 months of supposed wedded bliss, Marshall died, leaving a will that named the estate's beneficiary as his son Pierce Marshall, who himself has since died. The will also documented that Smith had received more than $6 million worth of gifts during her 14 months as his wife. Anna Nicole sued for a piece of her husband's $1.6 billion estate in a Texas court, based on her claim of a verbal promise made to her by Papa Marshall. That case in Texas went back and forth until the final ruling in 2001, which upheld Marshall's will as written.

Meanwhile, Anna Nicole moved to California and filed for personal bankruptcy in 1996. The bankruptcy court awarded her $447 million from Marshall's estate. Because of the two states' very different rulings, the Marshall vs. Marshall case was put into the federal justice system. In 2004, the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that the original Texas court got it right -- that Anna Nicole had no right to the money -- and so her lawyer, Stern, immediately declared she would appeal to the Supreme Court. Everyone thought that the case was finished, that the highest court in the country would never hear this case. If only.

Surely you'll recall the surreal and fabulous photos of Anna Nicole Smith walking up the steps of the Supreme Court in 2005? Clad in the classic "Hollywood celeb comes to D.C." outfit (the black suit) and wearing the classic "Hollywood celeb goes to court" accessory (huge black sunglasses), Anna Nicole tried to appear both victim and grieving widow. The Supreme Court ruled that Marshall vs. Marshall should be tried in the federal system -- a win for Anna Nicole -- and sent the case back to the 9th Circuit for consideration.

The ringmaster of all these efforts to get Marshall's money is Anna Nicole's creepy lawyer/sidekick/fake husband/accused drug pusher Howard K. Stern. Despite the Texas court verdict 15 years ago that Anna Nicole's claim was baseless, Stern has kept this circus going and seemingly will not stop until he gets the big windfall in legal fees from the Marshall estate.

Marshall vs. Marshall has emerged as a prime example of "forum shopping," which is the casual term for lawyers refiling a case in a new jurisdiction if their original day in court did not get the ruling they wanted. Essentially, lawyers use forum shopping to choose the venue most likely to get a positive judgment for their clients.

The way I see it, forum shopping is kinda like my dating life. Say I'm on a date with Guy #1 and he says he doesn't want kids, rants about his recent divorce or berates the waitress. Then I go on a date with Guy #2 and he says he wants kids, doesn't mention any exes and is polite to the waitress. Both guys call for another date, so whom do I go out with again? Obviously, I will go on another date with Guy #2, because the probability of a positive outcome are higher than with Guy #1. Most guys I have dated are like Guy #1, so it takes some effort and careful consideration to date in the pool of Guy #2 types. But, as with forum shopping, I am deliberately choosing the course with the highest probability of success.

The difference, though, is that forum shopping on dates costs the amount of a dinner for two and slightly hurt feelings. But forum shopping for the court system costs millions of dollars in legal fees plus complete disregard for the law and judicial system. The judicial system is supposed to be based on the U.S. Constitution and legal precedent, not the bias or whim of activist judges.

Stern has proved a master at forum shopping. He's taken this case from probate court to a federal bankruptcy court in California and eventually to the U.S. Supreme Court. Yes, the highest court in the land was asked to rule on a case which was fairly settled back in 1994 in Texas.

This isn't the first time Stern has taken center stage in a legal controversy. To the delight of the tabloids, Stern and celebrity photographer Larry Birkhead engaged in a very public battle as each claimed to be the father of Anna Nicole's infant daughter, Dannielynn. Proof of paternity would mean custody of Dannielynn, and the little girl is heir to her late mother's estate, including any millions that might be awarded posthumously to Anna Nicole Smith from the Marshall estate. DNA proved Birkhead the father, but the two reconciled, and Stern continued as lead attorney and became executor of Anna Nicole's estate.

By any standard of logic or justice, this week in Seattle should be the end of the 15-year-long drama, Marshall vs. Marshall. Hopefully the appellate court will dismiss this case once and for all. That would demonstrate to lawyers that the courts will not stand for forum shopping.

In my opinion, Anna Nicole Smith seemed to be used as a pretty, paparazzi-friendly pawn in the lawyers' game of persisting until the big paycheck from Marshall's estate is in hand. Now her toddler daughter seems the pawn, as she is often used in interviews by her father. Let both Anna Nicole Smith and J. Howard Marshall rest in peace.