John Ensign Writes Home for Money for His Mistress

The season's sex scandals just keep getting worse, or better, depending on your perspective. To my mind, the latest revelation in the saga of Nevada Sen. John Ensign tops all.

To recap: He had an extramarital affair with Cindy Hampton, a campaign aide who was married to Doug Hampton, his chief of staff. Confronted by fellow Christians, he wrote her a letter of apology for his sin. Then he resumed the affair. Both Hamptons lost their jobs.

And now we find out that the Hamptons and their two children received $96,000 in "gifts" -- payoff? hush money? guilt money? -- and it didn't come from Ensign. It came from his loaded parents.

Picture it. "Mom, Dad, I need a favor. Yeah, I know I'm a senator and a grown-up and all, and even thought maybe I'd run for president someday. But I'm in big trouble and I need you to bail me out. Actually, the person I need you to bail out is this woman I've been sleeping with. She used to work for me and so did her husband, so now they have no money because of me, and you know, it would be great if you could just help them out with $100,000 or so. Maybe then they won't talk about it on TV and we can all repair our relationships with God and move on. Of course I remember how much money you spent on veterinary school. Of course I know I'm 51. Of course I know I shouldn't have done it. And I promise, I'll never do it again. Really? You will? That's swell. Thanks Mom, thanks Dad. What? Of course not. Don't worry. No way will this go public. And if it does, no way will I resign."