I just read my children a bedtime story that was probably too young for them, but I liked Ruth Krauss' "A Hole Is to Dig" just as much tonight as I did when I was 3. It's full of big-hearted definitions, including, "A brother is to help you," "Rugs are so dogs have napkins" and "Mashed potatoes are to give everybody enough."

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Since I'm now within flame-throwing distance of 50, I've got a "Hole Is to Dig" definition of my own: Your 40s (and, it goes without saying, your 50s, 60s, etc.) are for being who you are. My colleague, Mary C. Curtis, says as much in her recent post on her personal Tom DeLay-type dance-a-thon.

I was thinking about this yesterday when I read the Washington Post Magazine's cover story on Michelle Rhee, D.C.'s controversial school chancellor, whom I interviewed for PD earlier this year. The theme of the piece, as I read it, is that Rhee, 39 (an early bloomer!), speaks her mind. Yes, some people disagree vehemently with her approach; yes, she's created enemies along the way; and yes, many educators question her tactics. I have a personal interest in her success -- my kids attend a D.C. public school (coincidentally, Rhee's kids also go there) -- but what's most interesting to me beyond my role as a mom is how much attention Rhee's gotten for not caring what people think.

It is a trait you don't often see in Washington. Take presidential candidates, who move to the far reaches of their party in the primaries to mobilize their base but then must tack back to the middle for the general election. It always reminds me of a water skier crossing back over the wake. According to Doris Kearns Goodwin's excellent account of the lead-up to the election of 1860 and its aftermath, "Team of Rivals," Abraham Lincoln was possibly the only president who said what he meant -- the first time. And even he had to navigate some pretty treacherous waters when it came to re-provisioning Fort Sumter.

Most of us don't have to contend with civil war, though the strain between what we want to do and what we think we should do can seem that way. By the time you're in your 40s, though, the equation begins to shift. I've put in enough time that I believe there should be far more wants than shoulds governing my life -- and others'. Let them eat mashed potatoes!


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