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Sex and the City: Dating Confessions of a Real Life Columnist
On Saturday night, I had a first date with a guy who told me that he had read a bunch of my columns, and that I'm a very funny writer. Nice compliment. He then said that he laughed hardest at my column on eHarmony, which is about my wanting to get married and being rejected by the online dating site. Gulp.
He also asked if anything he said would end up in one of my stories. I said everyone in my life gets quoted at some point or another (my poor dad is still getting questions about a goats and cows dowry in his back yard in Baltimore.)
All these years, Carrie has written a weekly column about dating, yet none of the men ever mention being named in the column, or asked to be left out of a story.
Oddly, though I've written a lot about single life, dating and marriage, I've never considered a potential date would actually read it. In one moment, the fourth wall between real-life dating and writing about dating came tumbling down.
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He also asked if anything he said would end up in one of my stories. I said everyone in my life gets quoted at some point or another (my poor dad is still getting questions about a goats and cows dowry in his back yard in Baltimore.)Then I got to thinking, why does my fictional doppelganger, Carrie Bradshaw, never get asked by her dates to keep them out of her column on "Sex and the City"?
All these years, Carrie has written a weekly column about dating, yet none of the men ever mention being named in the column, or asked to be left out of a story.
Oddly, though I've written a lot about single life, dating and marriage, I've never considered a potential date would actually read it. In one moment, the fourth wall between real-life dating and writing about dating came tumbling down.
And, how do I let a guy get to know me slowly in the real world, when I'm an open book in the Worldwide Web world? And if all conversations with me are on the record, do I offer dates the opportunity to speak off the record in the hopes that it will give the potential relationship more depth and trust?
So I ask my Woman Up readers: How do I date and write about dating at the same time?
Follow Miller on Twitter @EmilyMillerDC
So I ask my Woman Up readers: How do I date and write about dating at the same time?
Follow Miller on Twitter @EmilyMillerDC
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Emily Miller
Emily Miller, a public affairs consultant in Washington, DC has over 15 years experience in politics and media... moreComments (6)
garry402
9:42PM Oct 12th 2009
Congratulations on getting a date, but I could really care less. Do you get paid for posting just any garbage?
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Emily Miller
10:43AM Oct 13th 2009
Yes Gary, I am paid to write about Women's Issue and culture. And thank you for encouraging my dating life, I'm sure you meant it sincerely.
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(-3) teridavisnewman
3:21AM Oct 13th 2009
You protect their identity. Plain and simple.
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(2) Emily Miller
11:34AM Oct 13th 2009
Teri - yes, of course, never use names. But the problem is that THEY know who they are by the circumstances. This is mostly an issue of BAD DATES because I'd be outing them even if it's anonymous. And DC is a SMALL town.
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(0) kathy
5:06AM Oct 13th 2009
Just dont mention any names, Emily. Sure, let them speak off the record, a man likes thinking you need his "opinion".
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(-1) Emily Miller
11:34AM Oct 13th 2009
Kathy, Good advice! Men like giving opinions. But if I let them talk off the record, then I have no material to use for my columns. And, definitely, would never use real names. I don't want to be mean, I just want to shine a light on the dating scene in DC.
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