Marge Simpson Does Playboy (Does Homer Know?)

And does he love it? Or does he, after drooling for a moment and stuffing another donut in his mouth, suddenly smack his head and exclaim, "D'oh!" as he realizes some 2.6-million other readers would be able to ogle what had been for his eyes only? Mayhem ensues, but all ends well. Or at least that's the way creator Matt Groening would script a typical plot of "The Simpsons," the beloved animated sitcom that is entering its 20th season on Fox.

But some Christians don't see anything redeeming about Marge's decision to appear on the November cover of Playboy, and in a two-page centerfold spread. It's the first time the flagship girlie mag has ever showcased a cartoon figure. Not that everything on the cover is always authentic. But for some, this is too much. Or too little.

"Marge Simpson on the cover of Playboy is disturbing on so many levels," said Monica Cole, head of the American Family Association's OneMillionMoms.com site.

The AFA apparently figured Playboy magnate Hugh Hefner wouldn't even entertain their complaints, so they are instead pressuring a distributor, 7-Eleven and its 1,200 corporate-owned stores, to refuse to sell the Marge issue.

"7-Eleven has to know that using an animated character on the cover of a pornographic magazine is deceptive and harmful because it will attract the attention of children," Cole said. "It's inexcusable for a company that wants to be a responsible member of American society to use a cartoon character to hawk pornography. America's moms didn't like Joe Camel selling cigarettes to their kids, and they don't want Marge Simpson selling degrading images of women either. A lot of moms are going to shop somewhere else if 7-Eleven doesn't do the right thing and refuse to stock this magazine."

(Apparently the AFA and other conservative Christians are not pressuring Fox, which gave permission for the use of Marge's images. Hmmm...) For its part, 7-Eleven is telling its critics, in effect, "Don't have a cow."

"We love Marge," said 7-Eleven spokesman Margaret Chabris. She told the Harrisburg Patriot-News that the stores are franchises and managers can stock what they like. "We thought the Simpson issue would make nice collectibles. We're not requiring the stores take it." She also said the magazines are shipped in plastic wrappers so underage customers can't peek inside.

As for Playboy, its execs are probably just happy to have the coverage.

The magazine's circulation has fallen from 3.15 million to 2.6 million since 2006, as Internet porn and an industry-wide advertising slump have delivered a one-two punch to the venerable glossy. Putting Marge on the cover was both a tribute to the show--apparently Hef is a "huge" fan of "The Simpsons" and has appeared as his animated self--as well as an effort to draw readers below the current median age of 35.

"She is a stunning example of the cartoon form," said editorial director James Jellinek. "It's very, very racy."

Yet she's probably not the hottest cartoon character ever--Jessica Rabbit might still be wearing that crown, if nothing else. She is the unlikeliest, however. Then again, who'd have thought an animated sitcom about a completely dysfunctional--and completely typical--American family in a town called Springfield would last for 20 seasons?

The staying power of "The Simpsons" has been in large part due to its family values as much as its sense of humor. The show is beloved not only by millions of regular viewers, but also by preachers who cite shows in their sermons and religion scholars who feast on the program's spiritual messages.

Mark Pinsky, author of "The Gospel According to the Simpsons," has written that religion "is a staple of the show's plots, jokes and images"--and not in a cartoonish way. "Like most Americans (but unlike most live characters on TV), the Simpsons say grace at meals, attend church regularly, read the Bible and pray aloud," Pinsky writes. "For almost 20 years, the show's gifted, highly literate writers, producers and directors have drawn on the divine in ways that animate sincere faith and belief--without caricaturing them."

Pinsky has a list of the Top Ten religious-themes episodes of "The Simpsons", and he notes that the show features an evangelical Christian, Ned Flanders, whom one scholar has called "television's most effective mortal (i.e., non-angelic) exponent of a Christian life well-lived." The show also repeatedly addresses serious questions seriously--though it is usually young Lisa or even Bart who finds enlightenment before the grownups, such as they are. (When Homer was asked to explain his theology he said: "Every time I see my sweet girl Lisa, I believe in God. Every time I see Bart, I believe in the devil.")

So has "The Simpsons" finally committed an unforgivable sin? Perhaps only if you don't bother to read the article--not that you would do such a thing. Marge's "data sheet" lists her measurements as 26-26-26 (bust-waist-hips)--about right for a cartoon figure. Her answers to the usual Playboy questions are fairly innocent, even All-American. And her interview is revealing of...well, just good ol' Marge Simpson. For example:

PLAYBOY: You must have gotten some interesting reactions from friends and family. What did Homer say? Lisa? Bart?

SIMPSON: Homer said he was intrigued because he had never heard of your magazine. The notion of women posing in the buff was completely foreign to him. Wasn't it sweet of him to lie? When Lisa heard about this, she said it was empowering to see a woman in control of her own body. Wasn't it sweet of her to lie? Bart will never learn about this under any circumstance.

Or this:

PLAYBOY: What advice do you give your daughters about men?

SIMPSON: I always tell my Lisa she should marry the man who loves her. It doesn't matter if he's losing his hair or is overweight or is at a bar every night...or if he forgets your birthday and anniversary.... All that matters is that nothing means anything to him but you.

PLAYBOY: What advice do you give Bart about the fairer sex?

SIMPSON: I say, "You won't meet any girls in prison, which is where you seem to be headed."

Playboy CEO Scott Flanders says the idea is to attract readers in their 20s. But what would Ned Flanders say?

Fans of the Simpsons can find the answer to that--and Homer's response--in a Sunday, Nov. 15 episode called "The Devil Wears Nada." The episode is pegged to the Playboy cover and in this show Marge and the "Philanthro-Chicks" pose for a calendar for charity. But as a Simpsons wiki site relates, "At the photo studio, Marge is a bit reluctant to reveal any skin, but the photographer (Hank Azaria) loosens her up with wine and before long, Marge and her pin-up poses are the talk of Springfield."

Mayhem ensues.