Tiger Woods' Transgressions and the Gender Split

A businessman friend in his 40s told me at lunch yesterday that he's noticed a slight frisson of gender tension among the married couples he knows over the tawdry Tiger two-timing. As I understand the rift, wives think Tiger Woods is "a dog," while husbands more often view his behavior as merely "weak." They defend him at their peril. My married nephew told me in his circle of 30-somethings, when men are going to TRY and defend Tiger, they do it around other men. "You have to be aware of your surroundings."

In a 1997 episode of "Friends," Chandler explained he and Monica had "a deal where we each get to pick five different celebrities that we can sleep with, and the other one can't get mad." If I were to ask my partnered Woman Up sisters which celebrities they would have sex with, if they had a pass, I'd wager that most would decline such a dubious opportunity. I'd also bet many of my straight male friends, even my husband, could entertain a fantasy of guiltless hanky panky with, say, Angelina Jolie.

Despite 25 years sharing a roof with me, my husband is uncommonly devoted. He actually follows me around the house (which can be tedious because we both work at home). I pretend he is under my spell so completely he can't help himself, but I sometimes suspect my husband's dedication comes from a fortuitous chemical disorder. Although I have been known to tell him he's following too closely, I think that his attachment is sweet. What I find sexy, however, is his sense of humor and how sincerely he listens to me.

In my opinion, the way each gender interprets that word – sexy -- is at the heart of any gender split over Tiger. Obviously, men are baked for sex differently than women. Our respective ingredients determine that one gender is crusty scones and the other is buttery biscuits, with testosterone adding more leavening to men than women. A woman is attracted to a man who listens honestly and makes her laugh. Men have a hormonal component that attracts them to wanton availability. Add to that chemical inevitability the fact that celebrities such as movie actors, athletic champions and, oddly, politicians, are exposed daily to unchecked sexual opportunity.

I expect indisputably committed husbands in this group see this unfettered accessibility as an occupational hazard to be avoided (or at least indulged with limits). When Mark Sanford of South Carolina confessed he had fallen in love with a woman who was not his wife, he seemed genuinely anguished that his actual wife, Jenny, moved out of the governor's mansion with the couple's four sons.

Elin, the pretty Swedish au pair that Woods romantically courted a half dozen years ago, has gone underground in the scandal that surrounds her marriage. Evidently, her matrimonial partner could not resist the temptation of at least a handful of willing bedmates. He says he regrets the transgressions, and I am sure he does, but as long as he can win tournaments, available women will text his cellphone. My advice to Mrs. Woods: grab those gorgeous kids and go have coffee with Jenny Sanford.