Be British, Be French, Be Buddhist, and Lay Off Brit Hume

As the wife of a theater critic and as a former movie critic myself, I appreciate the fine art of underacting. Sadly, it's more and more rare.


When thespians get Academy Awards for screaming and hurling themselves around a room (also known as chewing the scenery) or for putting on a fetching costume and taking on the dialect of a regional stereotype, it's time to reboot.

"The tone of America's discourse seems to have taken a wrong turn," writes my colleague Joann M. Weiner about these hard and partisan times in which we live.

It might be a good idea to revisit some values from other parts of the globe.

Be British

"Be British, boys, be British." Legend has it those were the last words of the Titanic's captain to his crew as he swam away to meet his death.

Although there is some debate about Capt. Smith's last moments, there's no disputing the survival statistics on the Titanic. The British passengers had a ten percent lower chance of survival than other nationalities. The Americans, meanwhile, enjoyed a 12 percent advantage.

I am a woman of English extraction, but I'm afraid that five generations of Texan instruction has trumped the bloodlines. Texans are practical to a fault. They are blunt and, in some cases, brutal. Being Texan is just the good old American "can-do" spirit – times ten. And can-do spirit is code for: We can do because we don't give a damn who or what we bulldoze to do it.

Not such a good philosophy in this crowded, diverse world in which we live – a world of limited natural resources and weapons that can unleash unimaginable destruction.

My colleague Delia Lloyd tackled this subject in her post Yanks, Brits and Politeness: Is America Really the Best? And I'd heard that personal ads in British papers have a distinctive voice. In British society, it's considered bad form to brag, and that sentiment applies to the search for romance too. One personal ad read, "I've got a mouth on me that can peel paint off walls but I can always apologize."

Be French

On Mary Winter's list of 2009's Most Annoying Words, and Some Keepers, I would have added "the new normal." I'd punt that phrase into the dumpster, along with whatever self-help book it crawled out of. Inherently condescending, "the new normal" smacks of the hierarchy of therapist and client, as in: Yes, your life sucks. Adjust, why doncha, because I'm sick of hearing about it. (But not so sick as to tell you not to come back next week for your billable hour.)

The French might say: Replace "the new normal" with "c'est la vie."

As for the moralistic posturing on the sexual transgressions of human beings that, depending on your beliefs, God and/or nature assured by making them highly erotic creatures, I'd like to see the pejorative terms tossed. Bastard, whore, adulterer – we don't need them. Train wrecks are every bit as fun to watch without the snarky vocab.

My colleague Lizzie Skurnick is not looking forward to Jenny Sanford's upcoming memoir, fearing "yet another contribution to the scorned-wives genre."

The French might tell us: Replace the tsk-tsking with: Ah, l'amour.

Believing that we have to respond to each and every slight, both real and imagined, is absurd. What a waste of energy! I know a journalist who replied to all hate mail with: "There may be something in what you say." As Carl Cannon wrote in Fox, Tiger, and Christianity: A Defense of Brit Hume: You can just smile. It's as simple as that.

The French might say that in every life a little l'esprit de l'escalier falls. Literally "the wit of the staircase," the phrase refers to the comeback that never got said, because it did not occur to you until you were descending the stairs, leaving the party.

Be Buddhist

In my youth it was so fashionable to have Eastern tendencies. Be Here Now, anyone?

You don't have to believe in karma and reincarnation to adopt some of the more helpful beliefs of Buddhism. Life's a bitch and then you die. Of course, Buddhists would never say it like that. They'd say life is full of suffering, and the relief to that suffering is minimizing attachment and aversion.

One of the uncelebrated joys of aging is that you mellow out. My mother once told me that the older she got, the less attached she felt. "I guess that's nature's way of preparing us for loss. As you age, you start to lose things – your parents, your looks, your stamina, your health."

Barring the advent of mental illness, one does, over time, begin to chill. But don't go too far. After all, to quote Celine in the 2004 film "Before Sunset":

"Not wanting anything, isn't that a symptom of depression?...I feel really alive when I want something more than just basic survival needs." (regarding this clip, please be advised: the film is rated R)


Lay Off Brit Hume

I speak as one who feels marginalized by my own belief system. I'm what's known as a "slack atheist." Due to the "slack" part of that phrase, I don't fit in even with other unbelievers. Proving a negative is not my idea of a stimulating conversation.

If Mr. Hume wants to offer a sentence or two of spiritual advice, that's OK with me. For a role model, one could do a lot worse than a nonconformist pacifist like Jesus. Hume's words don't really hurt anyone. But it will hurt us as a society if we become even more hyper-sensitive than we already are. When uncomfortable topics are untouchable, they don't disappear. Silently they multiply like kudzu and kill off healthy debate.

While visiting Texas some years ago, I attended a dinner party with old friends, every one an educated professional. And every one a wine connoisseur. As the evening wore on, the conversation grew looser and looser. At one point people began describing – in fairly graphic detail – the worst sexual experiences of their lives.

I admit it was interesting. I listened avidly, but I couldn't help but notice that I did not feel moved to contribute to the conversation. Then it hit me – I'd been midwesternized.

That's not necessarily a bad thing.