Elizabeth Edwards, Heal Thyself

Dear Mrs. Edwards,

It's over. He finally admitted the child, Frances Quinn, is his. You and John have officially separated. You no longer have the dread of more humiliation to withstand, as proof of your husband's weak character leaks out in tiny, painful, revelations. None of us can know what goes on in another's marriage (despite the over-eagerness of some people to share those details), but I can imagine that your life with John has always been complicated. Whatever went on between you, I am very sorry that your most excruciating moments became public knowledge.

Most married couples understand they are expected to dress up their behavior a bit in public and should avoid unseemly marital bickering until they are alone in the car. In a public marriage, such as the one you shared with John, there is rarely the cushion of those private moments. For people in the heat of political campaigns, with little time for heartfelt connections, staff and campaign workers witness or facilitate even the most intimate transactions. During the last two presidential campaigns, you and your three living children were his greatest public assets but, privately, he went looking for more.

I read in the coverage of "Game Change," the new book about the 2008 presidential campaign, that you acted a little crazy with rage and jealousy in the waning days of the campaign. At one point, the book says, you pulled your blouse open in a parking lot to reveal scars from your cancer surgeries and demonstrate to your philandering husband the depth of your sacrifice. If that's true, I'm so sorry for the pain and humiliation you must have been feeling in that moment, and again feel with the story's repetition.

Whoever witnessed and described that moment to Mark Halperin and John Heilemann should be ashamed of himself. Fortunately, you are resolute and resilient. You need not sacrifice another moment of your life in service to John's political ambition. To be honest, Elizabeth, I am perplexed by why you hadn't tossed him earlier. Perhaps you kept him, a hard choice, because of your long history together. Marriage is a difficult habit to break, even one that has stopped functioning.

Notwithstanding the fact that you were already twice struck by tragedy, John humiliated you in front of and among the only people with whom you had daily contact. The revelations will continue for the rest of your life. Andy Young, your husband's so-called "friend" and former campaign aide -- and for a while the "beard" for John's naughty affair -- has written a book telling more. It is due for release next month.

For now, though, the secrets and deceptions need no longer wound you. You can live with your children in comfort and without mortification for the remainder of your life. You don't have to ever say another word to, or about, John Edwards. Life is short. Let your lawyers deal with him. You can spend your time with family and your real friends.

By the way, speaking of friendship, an apocryphal axiom often attributed to President Harry Truman suggests that, in politics, the only trustworthy companions are canine. I don't know who John Edwards calls his friends, maybe he has some and maybe not. Either way, he doesn't need to get a dog. He is one.