Gayle Haggard: Good-Hearted Woman, in Love With a Good-Tryin' Man

OK. I must stipulate right off the bat that the only reason I taped "The Oprah Winfrey Show" on my DVR Wednesday afternoon was because of Denise Richards.

She was appearing on the show to talk about her ex-husband Charlie Sheen's latest trouble with the law (for allegedly threatening his wife with a knife), but I was more interested in what she had to say about her dalliance with Richie Sambora, the husband of her friend, Heather Locklear, as the couple were headed for divorce. As a New York Times Style writer based in Los Angeles, I had done a story pegged to the scandal – "Coveting Thy Neighbor's Ex" was its headline – and since Richards didn't talk to me at the time, I was curious about what she had to say about dating her friend's soon-to-be-ex-husband.

Well. Never mind, Denise.

The real attraction of this Oprah show was Gayle Haggard, wife of former evangelical preacher Ted Haggard, the one caught in his own dalliance with a male escort in 2006. After many denials, the reverend eventually admitted to "sexual immorality" and using drugs. He was a heterosexual with homosexual issues, he explained at the time.

It turns out Mrs. Haggard has just written a book – "Why I Stayed: The Choices I Made in my Darkest Hour" – explaining why she thinks her marriage can be saved.

Oprah started out by saying she had had an epiphany before the show – she would not judge. It is possible, she realized, to feel the way Mrs. Haggard does.

"My conclusion is, after reading this, is that you really, really love this man in a way that I'm sure a lot of other people watching would understand," Oprah told her. "It's just that I don't know a love like this."

Mrs. Haggard's answer: yes, she deeply loves her husband and she feels "as though the betrayal had the potential to lead us toward greater health in our marriage."

While Mrs. Haggard discussed details like the couple's first sexual encounter after the revelation of the gay relationship, I was having my own epiphany – Oprah is Oprah because of her immense empathy. She stayed true to her epiphany as both Mr. and Mrs. Haggard talked about how he's reformed. He said that since undergoing therapy he had not had any "compulsive thought or behavior."

He's a heterosexual, he said, and "we have a lot of evidence."

Oprah asked Mrs. Haggard a biggie: Would it be different if the infidelity had been with a woman?

"For some women it's easier if the man is gay," Oprah said. "There's nothing you could do about that. For some women, it makes it easier because you say, 'No matter what I would have done, I'm not going to be a guy.'"

Here's how Mrs. Haggard answered: "I wouldn't say it was easier for me. I think it was just different. I think there were different dynamics."

How many women would go the route Mrs. Haggard has chosen? How many would think a few homosexual encounters are just a mistake, like robbing a bank?

Or how many, if their husbands even hinted at an attraction to men, would consider the relationship dead? "Gay, gay, gay," they would say, and immediately skip over denial and anger to go right into depression and acceptance, eventually making him one of their best gay friends.

She told Oprah: "I also know what kind of man he is, and the good that he's done and the really wonderful parts of our marriage and I'm not willing to let go of all of it."

He told Oprah: "She loves me and that's an incredible thing. I mean this woman is deeply . . . she's infatuated with me. She loves me. And I am so grateful. I think it's an incredible thing for a woman to love a man the way she loves me. "

Oh yes, Denise Richards said she wouldn't have dated Locklear's hubby if she and Heather had really been best friends.