Washington in 60 Seconds: Michael Moore Says 'Ass-Whoopin' Coming for Democrats

Good morning, Capitolists! Maybe it's the pent-up energy from a bad case of cabin fever, maybe it's the suspense of the upcoming midterm elections. Whatever the cause, Washington woke up in a surprisingly lively mood Monday morning, and we're here to tell you about it.

Here's what's making news in the Capitol today:

- Dems Set Me Up! Rep. Eric Massa (D-N.Y.) resigns at 5 this afternoon under a cloud of scandal and confusion. To give his side of the story, he spoke for more than an hour to a western New York radio station yesterday and said the events of the last week are the results of an elaborate conspiracy to oust him from office before the health care reform vote later this year, when he would have voted no.

- With Friends Like These. Filmmaker Michael Moore has made a career of lampooning Republicans and corporate titans, but now he's written an open letter to President Obama in which he offers to replace Rahm Emanuel as chief of staff for $1 per year. "I will help the Dems on Capitol Hill find their spines and I will teach them how to nonviolently beat the Republicans to a pulp." If Obama doesn't take his advice, Moore warns, "The Democrats on Election Day 2010 are going to get an ass-whoopin' of biblical proportions."

- Take a Message. Obama won't be home today to get Moore's helpful hints. He'll be traveling to Philadelphia to pitch health care reform to the kids at Arcadia University. Later in the day, he'll join the first lady at an event to mark International Women's Day.

- Mind the Gap. At the end of the day, the president will meet with Sens. Chuck Schumer (D-N.Y.) and Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) to talk about moving forward on what has become the dangerous third rail of American politics: immigration reform. We're not sure if this is a real effort to move the issue forward or a photo op to show Latino activists that he's working on their top priority, but we do know Obama won 67 percent of the Latino vote in 2008, so he has to do something.

- Maybes Are More Like Maybe-Nots on Health Care. The Wall Street Journal writes up the Sunday show appearances of two House Democrats who voted against health care last year but are being wooed to switch their votes this time around. Reps. Jason Altmire (D-Pa.) and John Adler (D-N.J.) both said they needed more proof of cost containment before considering a switch. Otherwise, "I don't see how I could support a bill that doesn't help our business community," Adler said.

* New York State of Mind: Undaunted. Gov. David Paterson stopped by a Brooklyn church yesterday and told parishioners he's not going anywhere, The New York Post reports. "I will keep governing until the end of the year," he told churchgoers to huge applause. "I will not be daunted or distracted by any forces."