Best Friend Ban? What a Lousy, Orwellian Way to Rear Children

Ms Trussell, you confound me. You seem to be a staunch member of the LLL Club, yet you show disdain for this typical Lib line of baloney. How refreshing.

This appears to be one more example of pundits trying to play at being psychologists without bothering to familiarize themselves with the relevant psychology research literature. You are correct in your suggestions that protecting kids from all disappointments can result in adults who have trouble dealing with a world where things don't always go their way, and that kids who grow up without having close friends often have difficulty in developing close relationships as adults. There is considerable research evidence to support both of these suggestions.

G. T. Atwood, Ph.D., Psychologist

Used to be kids played outside and weren't neurotic.

Encouraging "packs of children" rather than a few close or best friends? Isn't that what a gang is? My best friend helped me survive my childhood. I helped her get past her shyness before we hit the hell that was high school, especially since we would be going to separate ones. I had other friends, but no one who understood and listened when I needed to vent about my unmedicated bipolar mother.

Parents need to parent period, and not make it the business of the school and counselors to do it for them. If your child is not popular or in the clique, you figure out another way. You try, try, try and try yet again. You never give up. And show your child, by example that there are alternatives to finding friends such as sports, activites, after school programs and more. If your child is being unbearbly harassed and bullied, you find an alternative. Another school, independent study, home schooling, private school exhaust all your options and think creatively. But you, as the parent, are responsible for figuring it out. It's okay to have good friends and best friends, just make sure you and your family make an effort to be inclusive to all potential friends when you socialize. A great way to help your child with a friend base is to volunteer at your local school or church and get your child involved too. I am all for the community that such instituations offer but I understand that it's up to me, the individual, to find the way.

I would disagree. When you introduce your children and they become open to all sorts, shapes ,and colours, of freindships, everyone is better off. The 'best friend' model is too often a codependant situation. If children start young to embrace differences and learn to manage friendships of all sorts, think about what type of adults/rulers/ corporate heads they will be!

My daughter met her" Best Friend"in the first grade.She spoke English,the friend spoke a language we did not recognise. In the 6th grade the friend returned to Yugoslavia. There were many 3am phone calls. Senior year she returned and they both went to college. In different states! Phone bills.
Bridesmaids!Husbands. Babies. Need help,call each other. Need comfort, call each other. Take away 34 years of friendship? Are you mad?

We used to call that "psychobabble." Back in the day.

What a great article! Thank you!
Our education system does INDEED need to focus on reading, writing and arithemetic!
We have humanists in charge of our education in America and their religion has been the cause of the dumbing down and ruinination of our kids and schools! Following the crowd or having many acquaintenances does not make for an easier life! I would dare to say that's how to control someone and make a group of lonely kids who believe in nothing for themselves!
I have had the same best friend for more than 30 years...I cannot imagine my life without her!

I have lot's of friends but only 3 I would call best. These three women have stuck by me through thick and thin. Other friends have come and gone. My three best friend, who live in different states have always been there for me. If i'm in trouble, they would fly to my home town to help me in a heart beat and I would do the same for them. I've been very blessed with best friends. I can't imagine my life without them. Good friends come and go, best friends are for life. Sure, it's hard when you move away from a best friend or have a fallen out but who said great things come easy?