Why Best Friends Really Are Bad for Girls

I agree that in large numbers, girls may tend more toward drama (like a girls sports team or all girls school), but they also don't tend to punch each other out over a baseball game. It can definitely be beneficial for children to have both male and female friends, but sometimes they're just not comfortable with that. I have several friends, both male and female, but no one knows me like my best friend. We have been best friends for ten years. She has always been there when I needed her (parents divorce/remarriages, boy problems, etc) and vice versa. THAT is what a best friend actually is. I think this author is confused. A boy who steals someone's fruit bars... not so much a best friend. A bully. It happens. Take a look at the news: it's a pretty common story these days. Teach your children how to pick good friends. I DO NOT mean pick their friends for them. They will learn from their mistakes. Teach them that they deserve a real friend who will actually be there for them, not just when it's convenient.

I struggled with social interactions all through grade school. Many years I was miserable: teased, made to feel different, lonely. Despite my experience I am a well-adjusted young woman in my late 20s who has really good friends. Lets not throw out the baby with the bath water. We need to teach our children civility, how to interact with others. Separating children, especially girls (because we assume it is female nature not to get along--an assumption I have a problem with by the way) is not the answer, we need to teach our children conflict resolution. We need to stop thinking of childhood as a stage of life protected from hurt. Children learn from negative experiences as well as positive ones. I wouldn't want my children to miss out on important character building experiences just because its painful. I rather help them learn how to deal with pain and disappointment. They're going to experience it in life, over and over, might as well learn how to deal with it sooner than later.

As an eighteen year old recently graduated senior i would like to say that each and every one of you are wrong. Girls truly are evil, manipulating and hurtful. This is not a case by case scenario, it happens every single day. If you disagree please feel free to walk into any high school today. You will be quickly shown the error of your ways. And also the writer here is not saying do not have best friend"S" the idea is not to put everything you have into one person. This is because girls really are simply put...bitchy. Spoken from experience. The 2010 era of girls are completely different that than of the 1960's-1990's. And anyone who would like to challenge th idea that "all girls are bitchy" have likely never truly experienced the pain that modern girls inflict on each other. ALL girls. Not just some.

While I understand your points, I have to disagree. I think that best friends are a very good thing- though I don't think that kids should have best friends and then just "acquaintances," which is often the case. Many times a child/teen/young adult (primarily these age groups) have best friends, but- though they may get along perfectly fine with others, and often share a lot in common with them- they consider their other classmates/peers something less than actual "friends." I think we should encourage people to have best friends, but encourage people to involve MORE of their peers, rather than fully focusing on one or two people.
One of my main reasons for the pro-best friend ideology is this; best friends share a much stronger, and more intimate bond than other friends. For instance, there are things I tell my BEST friends that I would never be able to tell my other friends. Also, if something traumatic happens, or there is an embarrassing yet dangerous situation that someone is in, they would feel much more comfortable telling someone they feel incredibly close to rather than someone they just get along with and enjoy being around. Without best friends, people may not have anyone to go to when they truly need help- unless they feel like paying for a therapist or the like. Speaking of therapists, I've met many people who see a therapist regularly, about things that normally someone would just go to a best friend for advice about, or just to talk about. Not that I have anything against psychologists/therapists and the like- I'm actually attending school to become one- but I feel that many use therapists the way they would use a best friend, and it is unnecessary. While I would go to a therapist for something immensely traumatic, I do not feel that small things- such as life struggles, a spouse/lover leaving or hurting you, or parent/family problems- require someone who attended school to become a therapist; those skills aren't needed. What IS needed, however, is a friend who knows you well enough to be able to offer you genuinely good, heart-felt advice.

This part is more about the article- I think these opinions are based on certain people/personal experiences. Also, the girls portrayed in Mean Girls do not do justice to MOST girls out there. Not every female is a selfish, conniving, slightly evil person. Also, if a person is smart enough, they would not choose a best friend who abuses their friendship and takes advantage of them. (That was not an insult to the writer's child- young kids are purely inexperienced, therefore may not realize the type of relationship they have with another child) For instance, most people have a best friend who is there for them when they need him/her, and actually cares about them- along with being very alike and compatible.

To finish off my comment, I believe that best friends are a very important part of a person's life, not to mention their development. Best friends share a stronger bond than other friends, and can help each other get through difficulties. The thing that people need to be sure NOT to do, is to ONLY reach out to/hang out with their best friends. They need to have more friends, but can still have a best friend.

Anyway, just my opinion on the matter. :)

Childhood friendship teaches children, how to get along in socail settings with peers. Best Friends, (all children have them they come and go)...As boy friends, girl friends, later teach them how to build stronger relationships. They are kids. Everything they do is about learning. Stopping that process, learning, isn't the best course of action. Just my opinion.

So, to sum up: Boys travel in packs with all being equal friends. Girls are bitchy. Hmm, I think things are a little more complex than that. Everyone needs friends is the conventional wisdom, if only to prevent them from becoming the dread loner. As a society we are moving from a reality where family is losing it's hold on societal norms and groups of friends are emerging to fill that void.

Why must we continue to perpetuate the "girls are bitchy" and "i cant be friends with other girls" thing? The more we recognize it, the faster it gets passed down to our little girls so they automatically feel the same way, thus continuing the destructive cycle. If we teach our girls to be comfortable with themselves and how to make their own happy in their lives they will be less reliant on "best friends". Girls are bitchy and undermining to each other when they have self esteem issues and jealousy issues. Lets work to erase (as much as we can) those issues and allow our kids to enjoy having friends and enjoy the things they get to do together.

To Della Lloyd,

I'm not sure why your experience with best friends has involved a struggle for dominance. I have not had that issue. I find that I like to see my friends promoted in life, and they have the same desires for me. I don't agree with the premise of the original article or the argument you've made above. And I think, probably, the ability to have close personal relationships is a good thing. That intimacy is a good social skill. And that if men or women are denied the ability to be close to friends in childhood, it would be very hard to find it in adulthood.

This is an absurd concept, as relationships are key for all people, regardless of sex. I've had my share of heartache with lost/broken friendships, but learned from them and moved on. Children learn about how to deal with different personalities by experiencing the good and the bad aspects of friendships. Besides, we all learn that not everyone will like us nor will we like everyone, so why discourage some pleasant best friend memories? Like people, our interests change as we grow, too, so making new friends is more the issue than the detriment of having close ones too long.