Why Black Women Need a Better PR Campaign

Thank you for taking on this subject. I've watched Oprah do all these shows on being "strong, independent women". She's even brought on a host of her celebrity women friends all celebrating their singleness (and most all who have now married)! But she's never addressed the fact that in our present society, a Black woman is more likely to be a "baby's mama" than a "wife" and "mother". In my home state of Indiana, 80% of all Black children are born out of wedlock. 80%!! And nationwide, barely 40% of ALL - that's ALL - Black women will ever marry in their lifetimes! But unlike our "nuvo" White female counterparts, we're not necessarily CHOOSING to remain single - It's just the way it is!

And yes, I understand what Mr. Tyler Perry and others are saying about possibly having to "marry down". After all, haven't men done that for centuries now? But the difference is that society left them no other choices. Practically since the beginning of time, men purposefully "kept women under control" by denying them the right to an education. So men married in order to procreate, for economic, social and political gain. A good wife accessorized her husband well. She could be dumb as a rock but as long as she looked good, or at least came with a strong dowry or recommendation, she was marriageable. That's why women are so competitive about men even now. Male "coming out parties" are a new idea and still, the intent is not the same. Male parties announce that the boy is now becoming a man. Female coming parties were primarily made to be meat markets for all the eligible men to bag a fresh out of the nursery wife.

Back on subject, unfortunately, especially for the Black community, Black women are graduating from high school and attending institutions of higher learning almost at the rate at which Black men are dropping out of high school and attending institutions of correction. So, now we have all these educated Black women out here mostly looking for educated Black men. And college should have forewarned us on that one. Because unless you attend a HBCU (Historically Black College or University), there are roughly 5-7 Black female college students for every ONE Black male college student! And HBCU's can't be that far off that mark either, unless you're Moorehouse! So what's a Black woman to do?

Part of me says, "Becky, as long as he's a God-fearing, good, hard working Black man -- Why not?" But then the other part of me says, "Becky, you've worked your butt off for every degree on the wall, every honor on the wall and everything that you have achieved! Why should I have to 'settle'?! I've worked too damned hard to settle!" But at the end of the day, there's still no ring on that finger, either!

We, Black women have got to learn to love ourselves enough to expect to be treated as the QUEENS we are by all men. A queen doesn't spread her legs for every guy that smiles at her. We've got to get back to making men WORK for our attentions and affections! And, we also have to learn how to make sure that our men know that we appreciate them for the KINGS they were always meant to be and can be with the good love and support of a good Black woman. It's time to drop the attitudes and the anger and get back to a place of love.

Helena, you are funny as heck. I have really enjoyed reading your articles. Great comments, too - very well thought out and intelligent, which is unusual for comments on the internet these days!

I worked for thirty seven years in the federal government. I remember in the 60s when the gov tried to equalize and our offices filled up with young black typists. They sent them to school in the morning hours to learn office work. I have seen them blossom during the years, working in fed law enforcement, computer specialists, intelligence analysts, etc. I am proud that many have come so far and they in turn are raising successful kids. I think many of them would benefit from schools for young girls, only, to give them training and a desire to push them toward college. Women change society. Show me a poor country and I'll show you women who are left behind. Oprah's gift of a school was the greatest gift she ever gave.

Pre 1960 Black families had virtually the same number intact as whites. The majority of blacks were Republican. Generations of black men had been taught to respect their fathers{ and fear them} and their mothers {not deify them like today}. The early 60's move of social workers into the black community idealistically looking to alleviate poverty, instead impugned and marginalized the black man and for three generations since, respect for fathers has evaporated into a self-perpetuating devolution. Yes, black men have not been there for their families, but they were taught how by the women who were willing to kick them out way back then for some money from their new husband, Uncle Sam.

BRAVO! ENCORE! I have been saying this for a looooong time! Although I am considerably older than you and did grow up in the STRONG BLACK WOMAN era, I never drank the kool-aid. I recognized that the STRONG BLACK WOMEN I knew didn't seem happy or content. They took great pleasure in quoting the subtitle of "The S. B. W. Handbook". Can you guess what it is? "I don't neeed nobody to take care of me because I'm a Strong Black Woman." Immediately following that declaration they begin to rattle off their list of accomplishments. "I have a college degree and a well paying job. I own my home and I have my own car" etc,etc. What perplexed me was how many of these S. B. W.'s who didn't neeed anybody, would end up with trifling men. These men would look good, dress well, smell nice and talk a reeeeal good game. Once he "put it down" in the S.B.W.'s bedroom, he had carte blanche. This same S.B.W. would roll out every morning for work and leave him snoring in HER bed. She would race home to cook, clean and pamper her man. The same S.B.W. would hand over the keys to Her car AND give him "pocket change" so he could "Go hang with the fellas". When they went out to eat, she paid the bill. After watching several of my Strong Black Sistahs go through this, I decided I didn't want to be a S.B.W. I wanted to be a woman who knew what she wanted and had the courage to go after it. I wanted to be able to come home, let my guard and my hair down with my man. I wanted a man I knew I could be vulnerable and soft with. Let him be tough, I wanted to be a......girl. I applaud you for your honesty and if most of us women would be honest, we would agree that being a Strong Black Woman is not what she is cracked up to be. Love, Peace and Blessings.

Beautifully put, Ms. Andrews. As a divorced, master's degree-holding Generation Xer, I saw this ABWSyndrome as a teen, college student, married woman and career professional perpetuated and encouraged over and over. I, for a greater part of my life, could have, but refused to participate. My crime began to be the BLACK WOMAN WHO SMILES TOO MUCH, is voted 'Most Likely to Succeed' and was labeled MissNG (not affectionately, but 'derogatorily' known as Miss Nice Guy). Black American people, black families and black intellect DO need a new PR Campaign. First, we have to be comfortable with NOT LIVING UP TO THE BAD BOY/BAD GIRL Hype. It's killing us, it's killing America. Who knows what it is doing to those that look to America and those who most LOOK like Black/African-American/Negro/Coloreds and pattern their lifestyles after. The future success and happiness of our children are obviously dependent upon this 'by any means necessary' revolution.

Ok I'm a white women. But I'm gone to give you my take on the situation. Most black women act so mean, this isn't what people are seeing as strong. A strong person is, someone who has dealt with a lot, yet still fights within themselves, to have the has the tolerance to deal with a society that has given them a hard time. Yes they should be angry about that, but they sure shouldn't give it to those people. If they do, then who wins? Not the ABW. "Angry Black Women" I'll tell you who the real winner is, the black women who raise's her children to pass on these good values. Then that black women would be know as a ABW. But this time it would stand for Admired Black Women. Do I have black friends? Yes, they are very admired for all they do for "good people". No matter their race. Their children are just wonderful because of their values!!

I love this article. I recently attended a pool party with my sister and a close friend (we are all African American) and after the party, someone said "You guys smile so much, it's nice to see that". We were the only black people at the party. It hurts to think this is how people percieve us.