Childless? Heck No -- Child Free!

Selfish, my rear end. Selfish is adding more bodies to this planet's burden. Shall we call everyone selfish who doesn't adopt? No one's DNA is special enough that it must be preserved at all costs. I, too, am childFREE. Free to do as I please with my time, money and energy, and free from child-driven noise, illness and messes.

I, too am child free by choice. Could never figure out why outsiders really Do look at us with pity, and the "so sorry for you" comment. I am truly happy to be in this "pitiful" condition, as it allows freedom galore for my husband and I of 22 years to do what we choose, when we choose, money allowing. I cannot tolerate the thought of being tied down by anything, except for my animals, which I do with total dedication. So, I still have my figure, my freedom and my husband after all this time, and I am happy. So is my husband, who agreed before we got engaged not to have kids.

I read this after returning home from visiting my Mother in the nursing home where she is undergoing rehab after a severe stroke. She is still entirely unable to speak and paralyzed on the right side although the stroke happened in early December. In May, she slipped in the bathroom and broke her hip. Since the stroke happened (suddenly, without warning after an ordinary day at her full-time job as a realtor), my sister and I have vigilantly fought to ensure that she received the best care. Because we love her. Because that is what she would do for us. Because that is what family is for. You have no idea how vulnerable someone in her position would be without people to advocate for her. My stepfather, her husband, died in February, but his last moments were comforted (he told us) by his unshaken faith that his beloved, helpless wife would be well cared for by her children. Are we 'burdened' by our Mother? Certainly no more than she was burdened by us. During the months after Mom's stroke, I have been in more hospitals, skilled nursing facilities and rehab centers than I ever cared to see, and do you want to know what's sad? All those helpless elderly women with no one who comes in to make sure that they are okay -- that their prescriptions are accurate, that they are being dressed in the comfortable clothes and not left in the hospital gown all day, that they are getting the diabetic diet, that their wishes are being honored, etc. So, by all means, convince yourself that you are 'happily' child-free, but we all know that reality catches up with all of us eventually, and my husband and I are mindfully raising our four funny, adorable children with that fact in mind. I pity you for all the joy you are missing by not being a parent. I pity you for the fact that your 'heart goes out' to people who are lucky enough to be parents. I pity you for not even realizing how arrogant your dismissal of us sounds. I pity you for the level of mindless self-absorption you have demonstrated, and most of all, I pity the future you lying there alone and helpless in that hospital bed with no children or grandchildren there to point out to the nurse that you haven't had anything for pain in the six hours since you broke your hip.

kudos to ya kiddo. im one of those guys whos known to not like kids. not true! i just dont happen to want to have all the grief that friends have with there kids. some kids are great and some not so much in my eyes. i was in business for 30 yrs and had to put up with the parents of those misbehaved kids in my store while i heard from the parents, if you dont quit im gonna. and that was the end of any disipline. i think that attitude was what kept me child free. yeh yeh

I to am a childless happy individual by choice,with absolutely no regrets.

"... I'll trade my experience and my memories for theirs anytime."
Is this regret?

I couldn't agree more, Bonnie. Thanks for the new line (four-legged) I will be sharing with the rude people who react negatively when they're told I am child free!

I have one child and I get people always say "only one" I mean they say it everytime, if you don't want any children that's fine, there isn't a thing wrong with it!

I don't know why anyone would think that not having kids is somehow selfish. It's simply a choice like any other. Selfishness, or altruism, are personality traits that have nothing to do with reproduction. Some of the most selfish people I know are mothers who have made their children miserable because of the constant focus on "what I sacrificed" or how much the kids "owe" because of the mere act of giving birth.

I knew at age fifteen that I was not mother material. I planned to never get married and was certainly okay with the prospect. However, I was lucky enough to meet my wonderful male counterpart at a young age. Besides not wanting kids, he is a cat lover like me, so we were a perfect match. After we were married, we were immediately grilled about our "baby plans." When we said there were none, we were viewed with a mixture of curiosity and veiled envy. We were told that we would probably divorce because of the "lack of connection that children provide" -- as if no parents ever divorce!

That was 45 years ago, we're still very happily married while the three couples, with kids, who predicted dire consequences of our childfree lifestyle have all divorced. Kids are not for everyone. The faster people realize it, fewer kids will be born for all the wrong reasons to people who should not be parents.