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It Gets Better: Fighting to Save Gay Teens, One Video at a Time

1 year ago

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Sarah Wildman

Foreign Policy Correspondent

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Hope.

Obama ran on it. Harvey Milk advocated for it.

And for many, it's the one thing they can't grasp at all. Thursday, the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force and National Center for Transgender Equality issued the disturbing results of a survey: More than half of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender kids who have been bullied have attempted suicide. "From our experience working with transgender people, we had prepared ourselves for high rates of suicide attempts, but we didn't expect anything like this," Mara Keisling, executive director of the National Center for Transgender Equality, said in a statement. "Our study participants reported attempting suicide at a rate more than 25 times the national average."

For as long as there have been teenagers, there have been gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender teens who are in hiding, who can't imagine their lives lived in the open, who can't imagine finding love and living openly with that love, who can't imagine fully realized happiness. There have long been kids who are desperately lonely. Kids who feel that there is nothing that will ever look bright again. Partly that's from harassment. Partly that's from lack of modeling. Partly that's from living away from centers of gay and lesbian life.

On Sept. 23, in the wake of the latest and most public series of gay teens taking their own life – Tyler Clementi being only, perhaps, the most well publicized – columnist Dan Savage decided to do something about creating hope for kids in places where two men or two women walking down the street together, holding hands, just doesn't happen. Savage is known best for being Out. Outspoken, Outlandish, Out of the Closet. Author of the "Savage Love" column, NPR contributor, opinion maker, Savage was raised as a religious Catholic and knows a little something about how scary it can be to realize that your sexual identity may move you away from that which you were expected to be and what you expected yourself to be. About what the community around you will tolerate.
But reassuring kids outside of big cities and liberal bubbles can be next to impossible.

"We don't have to wait for permission to let them know that it gets better. We can reach these kids," Savage wrote. How? By reaching the kids in their own homes, in their rooms, on their PC's, on their MACs and Ipads. So Savage and his husband made a video, posted it to the internet and then issued an invitation to join him. Click play to watch:

And people did. In droves. There are couples and singletons, gay parents and children. There are Transmen and Transwomen. There are celebrities.

There are short messages and long. There's Bill, who narrates how he never would have believed, in high school, that he could now be married, openly gay, and a physician who legally married his partner in Massachusetts and now has tow-headed twins, born with the aid of a surrogate. "Remember high school is temporary," and "It gets better. Stick around."

There's a heavily tattooed transman who cries and asks kids to stay alive, to make it through. He did it.

Related: Gay Bullying Deaths and Religion: Are Believers the Problem or the Solution, by David Gibson

Hip hop artist Anthony Antoine tells the audience that his prayer, every day, at age 6, was to die. "I just knew I was different. I had all these feelings and I had already learned it was not going to be an easy road. But I didn't know it was going to get better and that is what I'm here to say. That it gets better." He holds up his first full-length CD, "Closets on Fire," which is a full-out coming-out album. In it, the dedication is to himself, age 5. "I would whisper in my ear," he says, reading it aloud. "There will be brighter days after your struggle with your sexuality . . . I walk in that truth. I've learned to live a life in freedom."

There's a moving video from Tim Gunn of Project Runway fame: "You may be thinking 'what does Tim Gunn understand about my anguish and my despair?'. . . Well, I'll share with you as a 17-year-old youth who was in quite a bit of despair, I attempted to kill myself."

Gunn says that although things are wonderful now, the morning after his attempt to die he wished he'd been successful. Reaching out to those who feel now as he did then, he says: "There are people who can help you. You cannot do this alone. It requires collaboration between you and the people who love you . . . in my case it took a serious intervention. It was the result of the botched suicide attempt. I am a huge advocate for the Trevor Project."

The Trevor Project, an online and a toll-free hotline for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and questioning youth, is referenced again and again. It's a means of giving kids someone to talk to. It's a means of addressing those who have begun to criticize this project as not doing enough. Some are saying that a video isn't an intervention. Some are saying that it's too easy.

Of course these videos can't take the place of organizational outreach or work on the ground. But they can show a model for what's to come. They can show that there will be life, love, and success after high school. And that's a start.

Filed Under: Gay Rights, Woman Up

Tagged: anthony antoine, bisexual, dan savage, gay suicide, It Gets Better Project, lesbian, national gay and lesbian task force, tim gunn, transgender, tyler clementi

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jenjenred1976

I think the difficult thing is many people were raised to believe that homosexuality is a sin. It's an awful thing. Those opinions never changed, and they got passed down and passed down until now, it's almost impossible to figure out who started it within a family system. Regardless of what my beliefs may be, that will never make it ok for any teenager or adult who may be gay to feel like suicide is their only option. When did that become ok in society? When did we forget what it means to be HUMAN? Regardless of anyone's belief system, this is not ok. It will NEVER be ok and it's time to find a way to stop it. Maybe education is a good tack to take. I don't know. I just know that one more kid doesn't need to die because they feel different. Enough is enough.

October 08 2010 at 7:36 PM Report abuse Permalink +2 rate up rate down Reply

Bruce and Sue

Bullying will never stop. There are many things that people cannot accept no matter what. Intelligence, beauty, ugliness, clothes, hair, makeup;, cars, where one lives, their parents...so many things are made fun of. I do not agree that gays get picked on any more than others. The sort of education that people need is a moral issue that cannot be legislated. I am a person who discriminates against bad behavior and lifestyle. But, I will keep my comments to myself and not be offensive in front of people. That is what makes a Christian a Christian. Temperance, moderation, and self control are what is taught in the Bible. I believe, though, that when people show disgust for something that they don't like or approve of is only a natural reaction. An emotion like that cannot be legislated or disallowed by campaign ads.

October 08 2010 at 6:20 AM Report abuse Permalink -1 rate up rate down Reply

1 reply to Bruce and Sue's comment

ziegler21wp

Bruce and Susan, You arer absolutely right about bullying. But this is bullying on steroids. Gay teens live in a society that rejects them-may to a greater or lesser extent incorated that into self-hate and because they may not feel that this is something they can share with parents, teachers, etc.

October 08 2010 at 4:32 PM Report abuse Permalink +1 rate up rate down Reply