Prince William will marry his longtime girlfriend Kate Middleton. And so an industry is born
Nature abhors a vacuum, and I say it's time we admit that America needs a royal family too. The sooner the better, since reality and talent shows on TV will keep tossing out crooners, hoofers and wannabes until we get the hint and finally crown somebody. If the candidacy of media gadabout Christine O'Donnell for the UNITED STATES SENATE (sorry) didn't wake us up to the need for a way to showcase our well-groomed, glad-handing women, I don't know what will.
It's been (literally!) centuries since King George III yanked our chain. I've totally gotten over that monarchy-hate thing. And now that science has established we're hardwired to kiss up to those in positions of authority
, it might as well be a couple of attractive kids in nice clothes
, doncha think?
played the part of a princess nouveau, proving it can be done. Sort of. Well, maybe that's not such a good example.
In America we used to have glamorous movie stars, but paparazzi and cellphone cameras poisoned that well. Today's "stars" are every bit as depressing as my shell-shocked neighbors out taking their morning constitutionals while pondering their impending foreclosures.
We now know that all the security in the world could not protect the British royals from humiliation (not gonna go there
) and worse, but still you'd think that chiffon-and-satin cotillions would be more up the alley of royal family members than, say, snorting coke at a bar.
Am I being retro? Perhaps I'm just jealous. My own prom-dress wedding in a public park was a bit too far on the spartan side even for my simple taste. The total bill was about $100.
When Prince Charles and Lady Diana got married
in 1981, I went over to a friend's apartment at 5 in the morning, mostly to keep her company. But I was curious, and a bit transfixed by the confection of it all -- the horse-drawn coach, the wedding dress so enormous it had to be shepherded by bridesmaids, the bells ringing and crowds cheering.
It looked like the white and pastel panorama sugar eggs I loved in my youth. So pretty, so orderly. But then, none of that was real either.
As for King George III
, he fell in love with a woman who was deemed unsuitable, and he gave her up. Two years later he married a duchess he met on their wedding day
. Wonder of wonders, they were happy. They had 15 children, and King George was faithful to Queen Charlotte to the end. She died in 1818, and he died about a year later. They were married 57 years.
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